recently...i did make my friends worried about me..sorry about the sudden heart attack...i did not aspect it myself..thanks for calling me and being there for me..thanks for a million and billion times..haha...i was being stubborn and stupid...i know all that...whatever it is...the most important thing that i want now is being happy and happy...nothing else...for the past three months...put aside brendan as an excuse...i was really all over the place and could not get hold of myself...im sensitive...emo all the time...and i can hardly even control my emotions...i could have handle everything better..but i just let everything to be worst...i don't blame others..but myself...Sooo...im taking everything as a new starting point for myself now...i just hope that i can really change into a better person..emotionally and mentally...so peace!!! ^^

As a new starting point..i had changed my hairstyle...straighten it..but im not really sure whether it is really nice...so il c what you guys say when you see my new hairstyle...

i wanted to change my contact as well..into color contacts...but il hav to wait for my friends to reply me...so cross my fingers...^^,

The next step is to change my dressing style...im seriously not sure how am i going to change it..but il try...with limited cash im my pocket..i dunoe what i can do...haha...

okie..so what's nexts??? no idea...haha...my size...ofcz i dowan to be fat..so im not changing anything about it...my height..wish i could be taller..haha...then my face...ermm...cnt change anything unless i go for a plastic surgery..ahah...im okie with my features now..so just forget about it...then...that's all i guess...

sooo....hope that you guys will like my changes this time...keke...cross my fingers..^^

p/s...i love you..i just finished reading this book...took me five days to finish it..why it took me so long to finish it??? i read this book when im waiting for the train and in the train...i think people around me might think that im a super nerd or some creepy girl because the train was like jammed with people and i still can find a space of my own to read..normally i would have slept dead in the train because i was too tired..but after my shift was changed to 9-5..everything was different..the train was all pack..full with assorted people with disgusting 'aroma'...i was squeeze and pushed by people around me...i felt HORRIBLE..my ass was constantly squeezing with other's ass..which disgust me to the max..urghh!!! i hate peak hours...

hey..i was talking about the book i was reading...it was fairly romantic....i can actually picture how did holy felt after her husband passed away...most of the time the author will describe how miserable her life is after her husband left her..how she slowly climb up with the assistant of her husband...moving on with her own life without him...i was thinking myself....would this happen to me one day??? if it does...can i be strong enough to make it through??? HMmm...what the heck am i thinking??? im just 19 and not married yet...and i am talking about being a widow???? well...that is just something that is going through my mind after i read the book...

my life looks normal, tastes normal and smells normal...but the fact it..i was damn pissed and disappointed by somebody...this time..it is not him anymore...the thing that i hated THE most is to be blame or scolded by someone for no reason..for something that i have nothing to do with it....Why humans have to be that selfish and think ONLY for themselves...Why they have to be SOOOO calculative over everything and can't just loosen a bit...You want to gain something...go and get it yourself..not by hoping on others to do all the dirty jobs for you...TOLERATION...i had tolerate long enough with all the bullshitting and f**king things from these people...damn it...i have feelings as well..just bloody think less for yourself and think for others...For me..it will be damn hard for me to voice out whatever that is bothering me..i barely argue or fight with anybody..because i know i suck in it...i was trying to think for everybody...how they felt...how they will think and so on...but it seems like worthless nowadays..because nobody seems to care about it...the only thing that they know is to protect their own priorities...everything is 'me me me and me'...oh come on....grow up and learn how to live with people...be less selfish...DARN!!! i was really pissed!!! now..what i have to do..is to think more for myself and don't give a damn on what people think about me...i don't have to be that girl-who-everyone-loves...i just have to make myself happy and that matters the most to me now....