p/s...i love you..i just finished reading this book...took me five days to finish it..why it took me so long to finish it??? i read this book when im waiting for the train and in the train...i think people around me might think that im a super nerd or some creepy girl because the train was like jammed with people and i still can find a space of my own to read..normally i would have slept dead in the train because i was too tired..but after my shift was changed to 9-5..everything was different..the train was all pack..full with assorted people with disgusting 'aroma'...i was squeeze and pushed by people around me...i felt HORRIBLE..my ass was constantly squeezing with other's ass..which disgust me to the max..urghh!!! i hate peak hours...

hey..i was talking about the book i was reading...it was fairly romantic....i can actually picture how did holy felt after her husband passed away...most of the time the author will describe how miserable her life is after her husband left her..how she slowly climb up with the assistant of her husband...moving on with her own life without him...i was thinking myself....would this happen to me one day??? if it does...can i be strong enough to make it through??? HMmm...what the heck am i thinking??? im just 19 and not married yet...and i am talking about being a widow???? well...that is just something that is going through my mind after i read the book...

my life looks normal, tastes normal and smells normal...but the fact it..i was damn pissed and disappointed by somebody...this time..it is not him anymore...the thing that i hated THE most is to be blame or scolded by someone for no reason..for something that i have nothing to do with it....Why humans have to be that selfish and think ONLY for themselves...Why they have to be SOOOO calculative over everything and can't just loosen a bit...You want to gain something...go and get it yourself..not by hoping on others to do all the dirty jobs for you...TOLERATION...i had tolerate long enough with all the bullshitting and f**king things from these people...damn it...i have feelings as well..just bloody think less for yourself and think for others...For me..it will be damn hard for me to voice out whatever that is bothering me..i barely argue or fight with anybody..because i know i suck in it...i was trying to think for everybody...how they felt...how they will think and so on...but it seems like worthless nowadays..because nobody seems to care about it...the only thing that they know is to protect their own priorities...everything is 'me me me and me'...oh come on....grow up and learn how to live with people...be less selfish...DARN!!! i was really pissed!!! now..what i have to do..is to think more for myself and don't give a damn on what people think about me...i don't have to be that girl-who-everyone-loves...i just have to make myself happy and that matters the most to me now....