Happy...is it such a hard thing to achieve??? What i want now is to be happy and happy..that's all..nothing else..But when i make up my mind and tell myself that i want to be happy..something will just happen and pull me down..i just don't know why...
Somebody told me that i was not as cheerful as i was in Term one..i look like my soul was suck out from my body...my face was pale and colorless..meaning----i am lifeless...okay..i know i sound like i am a pathetic shit...
When i just came in to college..everything was simple and innocent..everybody is good to you..treat you like their true friends or whatever you call it..but when time goes by, you will realize that everything is just from the surface..nothing is real...everything is just fake..at the end..you don't know who you can really trust..who you can put your faith on...but of course..there are people who will pull you up and lend you their shoulders...i am really grateful that they are always standing by my side...
After you experience all these, would you still be as innocent as you were one year before?? no..you will be careful and form a shield to protect yourself, you will be constantly guessing who is true to you, you will hide yourself from people you hate, you will do this and do that..because of my lack of experience, i really dont know how to deal with human relationship..especially to those that i dislike and people who wants to hurt you...i will just hide myself and swallow everything down..that is stupid i know..but it takes time for me to learn how to deal with all these crap..let me deal with it slowly..
Now...what i want is not to be so stubborn and let everything to influent me physically and mentally...i just want to be happy go lucky..happy...happy...
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Happy 10th month Anniversary
Happy 10th Month Anniversary to me and Brendan!!! Baby baby..love you love you..muakxx..
For some people, ten months might just seems to be a really short time. For me, who is constantly very sensitive to special dates like this, it was a long long journey. Our journey was crazy, a lot of small and HUGE things happened between us. At one stage, both of us wanted to give up already. But, thank god that we can still make it until today. Actually today is no just some normal anniversary or something, it was one month after we almost broke up. So for me, it is remarkably important.
I know that sometimes i am quite hard to deal with, especially with my emotional swing. I got it from my mother which is not a good thing at all. haha. So, it was hard for him to tolerate it with me, because i know his mood swings like mad as well. When two equally nob people dealing with each other emotional swing, who will win?? Nobody... Who is more stubborn, me. Because i was constantly grabbing his mistake without letting go. Egoistic. Guys always have their ego with them, but for me..my egoistic was ahem..equally as high as guys. so..TIE...haha...
I am not trying to show the whole world what kind of bad and terrible couple we are, but just trying to say that each couple have their own way of communicating with each other. For me and Brendan, only both of us know how to deal with each other.
For now, i am really happy. After somebody told me something, it some how changes me. haha..so i really thank him for making me happy again. Not a fake happy, but real happy. keke,,,thanks sui ren.
Soo...whoever who is out there and wanted to know what is happening between me and Brendan, im telling you guys now..----we are doing great..better than ever...
Baby...love you more than anyone...and once again...Happy 10th month Anniversary!!! muakss
For some people, ten months might just seems to be a really short time. For me, who is constantly very sensitive to special dates like this, it was a long long journey. Our journey was crazy, a lot of small and HUGE things happened between us. At one stage, both of us wanted to give up already. But, thank god that we can still make it until today. Actually today is no just some normal anniversary or something, it was one month after we almost broke up. So for me, it is remarkably important.
I know that sometimes i am quite hard to deal with, especially with my emotional swing. I got it from my mother which is not a good thing at all. haha. So, it was hard for him to tolerate it with me, because i know his mood swings like mad as well. When two equally nob people dealing with each other emotional swing, who will win?? Nobody... Who is more stubborn, me. Because i was constantly grabbing his mistake without letting go. Egoistic. Guys always have their ego with them, but for me..my egoistic was ahem..equally as high as guys. so..TIE...haha...
I am not trying to show the whole world what kind of bad and terrible couple we are, but just trying to say that each couple have their own way of communicating with each other. For me and Brendan, only both of us know how to deal with each other.
For now, i am really happy. After somebody told me something, it some how changes me. haha..so i really thank him for making me happy again. Not a fake happy, but real happy. keke,,,thanks sui ren.
Soo...whoever who is out there and wanted to know what is happening between me and Brendan, im telling you guys now..----we are doing great..better than ever...
Baby...love you more than anyone...and once again...Happy 10th month Anniversary!!! muakss
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Day out with Wai Mae and Eunice!!
Today..Wai Mae and Eunice came up...Damn happy lo..wakaka..Love both of them SOOOOOOO much man...muakxx muakxx...Here are some pictures...
wakaka...im taking picture in the toilet again!!!!yeah!!!
me..pretty wai mae and cutie eunice..love both of you..muakzz
posing in the changing room!!!!keke...wai mae..i know you are sexy..Eunice ar..dun block your face le...
love this picture lo...keke...and this i wanted to buy this dress for orientation night..but then still thinking..haha..
Eunice with her T-shirt that she was damn proud of..haha...me..im posing..kkaka...
here comes the poser again!!! yeah!!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Love poem from me???
for the past few days, i had posted alot of posts..infact today..3!!!crazy..got nothing much to do..so write lo... haha..i had read something real nice just now....and i wanted to share it in my post...hmm...why cnt i write something nice too..okie..here goes nothing----( ohya..it is 1.36 am in the morning...don't aspect too much ya..keke )..in my favourite pink o..wakaka...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baby...
Never thought that i would fell so deep...
Never thought that you would mean the world to me...
Never thought that you would be the one who is standing by my side holding my hands...
Baby...
The path that we went throught was rough...
There were times when we were really exhausted and wanted to call it off...
But we still made it through until today..this moment...
Baby...
I hope that in your heart,
I would be the one that you love the most...
I would be the one and only person that will stay in your heart forever...
Baby...
You will always be in my heart...
You will always be the one that had brought me hapiness...and sadness
You will always be the one that i love...
Baby...
Promise me that you will never let me go...
Promise that you would not hurt me anymore...
Promise me that you will love me even more...
Baby...
I promise you that i will trust you even more
I promise you that i would not be emotional all the time
I promise you that i would be stronger and tougher...
Baby...
I really love you with all my hearts and soul...
No matter what happens in the future...
Il always be there for you...
Il always be there to love you...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okie...so what do you think??? Goosebumps coming out??? Maybe not..My english is not that good...i dont know how to use all those bombastic words..haha..sooo....give me some comments la..haha...hope he will read it someday..can somebody just go and ask Brendan to read my blog!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baby...
Never thought that i would fell so deep...
Never thought that you would mean the world to me...
Never thought that you would be the one who is standing by my side holding my hands...
Baby...
The path that we went throught was rough...
There were times when we were really exhausted and wanted to call it off...
But we still made it through until today..this moment...
Baby...
I hope that in your heart,
I would be the one that you love the most...
I would be the one and only person that will stay in your heart forever...
Baby...
You will always be in my heart...
You will always be the one that had brought me hapiness...and sadness
You will always be the one that i love...
Baby...
Promise me that you will never let me go...
Promise that you would not hurt me anymore...
Promise me that you will love me even more...
Baby...
I promise you that i will trust you even more
I promise you that i would not be emotional all the time
I promise you that i would be stronger and tougher...
Baby...
I really love you with all my hearts and soul...
No matter what happens in the future...
Il always be there for you...
Il always be there to love you...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okie...so what do you think??? Goosebumps coming out??? Maybe not..My english is not that good...i dont know how to use all those bombastic words..haha..sooo....give me some comments la..haha...hope he will read it someday..can somebody just go and ask Brendan to read my blog!!!!
Sad poems
When there are some beautiful words, there would be some sad and heart breaking poems...these are the ones that i find it quite meaningful and the closest to what i had felt in the past...
Lying To Forget
This lie's become a part of me
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name
Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone
Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs
But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment...
I couldn't catch my breath
When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time...
I just can't let him go
Long Distance Relationship
A thousand kisses will never be,
Enough to satisfy my craving heart's plea,
Tommorrow will be the day I love you more,
Than today or yesterday or ever before,
Words and phrases will never do,
What my heart feels so deeply for you,
Deeper and deeper my feelings go,
My head is spinning too and fro,
I want you here, forever and more,
For our hearts to join and together explore,
Our hearts beat and beat as one,
Feel what I'm feeling, it's only begun,Y
et, slowly my desire turns to rage,
My heart feels as though it's within a cage,
You are so close yet so far,
At times like this I wish upon a star,
I wish you were here and not over there,
Yet life is hard as well as unfair,
All I can do is wish and wait,
Until we meet again as that is our fate,
I love you more than my words can say,
And forever my love will grow each passing day,
Until the day I gently hold your face,
I'll wish for that moment as I always do,And I've wished upon a star, so my wish will come true.
Lying To Forget
This lie's become a part of me
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name
Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone
Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs
But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment...
I couldn't catch my breath
When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time...
I just can't let him go
Long Distance Relationship
A thousand kisses will never be,
Enough to satisfy my craving heart's plea,
Tommorrow will be the day I love you more,
Than today or yesterday or ever before,
Words and phrases will never do,
What my heart feels so deeply for you,
Deeper and deeper my feelings go,
My head is spinning too and fro,
I want you here, forever and more,
For our hearts to join and together explore,
Our hearts beat and beat as one,
Feel what I'm feeling, it's only begun,Y
et, slowly my desire turns to rage,
My heart feels as though it's within a cage,
You are so close yet so far,
At times like this I wish upon a star,
I wish you were here and not over there,
Yet life is hard as well as unfair,
All I can do is wish and wait,
Until we meet again as that is our fate,
I love you more than my words can say,
And forever my love will grow each passing day,
Until the day I gently hold your face,
I'll wish for that moment as I always do,And I've wished upon a star, so my wish will come true.
beautiful words
There are some beautiful words i just read..
If loving you is a crime. I'd like to be jailed for my whole life, in your heart.
---
If you have 1000 years of age, I just want to have 999 years and 364 days, so I never have to live a day without you
---
When I don't message you.
Doesn't mean.
I forgot about you.
I was just giving you time.
To miss me.
----
My love for you is a journey. Starting at forever and ending at never.
---
Without you my days are "Sadday,"Moanday, "Tearsday, "Wasteday, "Thirstday, "Fightday", and "Shatterday"
---
I opened my wallet and I find it empty, reached into my pocket and found a few coins, searched my heart and I found you!
Then I realized how rich I am.
---
Dear, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? I think, I need to call God because He have lost His most beautiful Angel.
---
Behind your smile, I know there are sorrows.
Behind your laughters, I know there are tears.
But I want you to know that, behind you is me who always care for you.
---
There are 12 Months in a year.
4 weeks in a month.
7 days in a week.
24 Hrs in a day.
But there's only one you in a life time.
Beautiful right??? if somebody wrote something as vibrant as these to me..il just die of happiness..haha...
If loving you is a crime. I'd like to be jailed for my whole life, in your heart.
---
If you have 1000 years of age, I just want to have 999 years and 364 days, so I never have to live a day without you
---
When I don't message you.
Doesn't mean.
I forgot about you.
I was just giving you time.
To miss me.
----
My love for you is a journey. Starting at forever and ending at never.
---
Without you my days are "Sadday,"Moanday, "Tearsday, "Wasteday, "Thirstday, "Fightday", and "Shatterday"
---
I opened my wallet and I find it empty, reached into my pocket and found a few coins, searched my heart and I found you!
Then I realized how rich I am.
---
Dear, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? I think, I need to call God because He have lost His most beautiful Angel.
---
Behind your smile, I know there are sorrows.
Behind your laughters, I know there are tears.
But I want you to know that, behind you is me who always care for you.
---
There are 12 Months in a year.
4 weeks in a month.
7 days in a week.
24 Hrs in a day.
But there's only one you in a life time.
Beautiful right??? if somebody wrote something as vibrant as these to me..il just die of happiness..haha...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Guys in reality
Most of the guys are quite nob..not every guy..but most of them..sorry to those guys who are..but..im just saying most of them..they don't quite get what a girl wants... or how girls think...example-----
1. girls are sensitive..no matter HOW great is their ability to swallow everything down..there is always a limit..just try and understand that we ARE sensitive and don't think why we are..because it is already a fact..a solid fact that GIRLS-ARE-SENSITIVE...
2. girls are very sensitive to special dates..not that i remember every special dates..but the important one like anniversary, birthday, valentine's day, x mas etc..it is already sucks that cant celebrate it on that day, so don't pour cold water on us and saying that we can always celebrate it on another day..why take it soooo seriously..of course i will be sad if i cant celebrate it on that day itself..so give me sometime to mourn about it..after that..il be alright..
3. most of the guys..not all.maybe him only la..takes ages to reply me one single SMS..if you are busy..tell la..( and yar..he just took 30 min to reply me now..im pissed.. and he is going to sleep ady..aint not going to reply..okie..say im childish and bad..i dont care).. just bear in mind guys..for girls.maybe for me only..i don't know..would LOVE you all to reply us ASAP..not taking your own sweet time..if you are busy...tell us..then you are forgiven..no battery..tell and you are forgiven..BUT..if we know you guys are free and doing nothing..but taking 30 min to reply us..you are a dead meat..okay..i am a bit over..but this is a fact..how hard is it to reply wor..i just don't understand lo...
4. to all the guys out there..if you want a girl to trust you hundred percent..just set your record CLEAN..crystal CLEAN..
if you had cheated on a girl before..sorry..byebye..because most probably you will do that again..
if you have ALOT of exes..and still in contact with them VERY often..minus 50 point over 100..why..because girls are very sensitive to 'EX' problem..like me..i just hate it..
if you have a lot of girl friends..and damn close to them..minus 50 point..because girls jealousy are damn scary..you can never imagine how far we can go...
Soo..did i say anything wrong??? so there are so many problems over here..but how to solve it..here are the solutions----
1. just accept that fact that we ARE sensitive..and try not to make us even MORE sensitive..well..i cant say that try and think why we are sensitive..because sometimes i also dont know why..when that person is your Girlfriend..she will put you on the Top Top list..means you are very important to her..just try and think of her when you are doing something..just don't ASSUME that she wnt mind nor she wnt get mad..ASSUMPTION leads to a lot of unhappiness..i dare to say that...
2. About special dates..YES..please be more alert..save it in your phone..or just stick it in your head la..Of course you can always celebrate it before hand or after hand..BUT..celebrating on that exact date is far more meaningful than another day..so don't blame girls for being a little bit too emo when this problem occurs..tell her nicely why you cant and give her time to overcome her moodiness..
3. URGHH..this problem..just try and reply as fast as you can..if you cant reply or hung up on something..TELL..INFORM..atleast she knows why you cant reply her fast..if you did not.. she will start thinking of some nonsense and crap..which does not help at all...soo..guys...be more alert...
4. if you want a girl to trust you, no matter you like it or not..you have to set your records clean...if it is not clean..then try and make up with it..try to clear things up and explain to her..don't hide everything behind her back...for example----dont let her see your phone..hide some files in your comp, etc..she will just think that you are hiding something and you are definitely up to something..to make your life easier..tell her..why, what where and when..whatever it is..just be 100 percent honest to her..
Soo..i am not an expert..im a nob as well..but...i am correct right??? please say yes..haha..no lar..but this is from my experience lo...im just sharing something here...sooo..tell me if i am right..that brighten my day a bit..haha..
1. girls are sensitive..no matter HOW great is their ability to swallow everything down..there is always a limit..just try and understand that we ARE sensitive and don't think why we are..because it is already a fact..a solid fact that GIRLS-ARE-SENSITIVE...
2. girls are very sensitive to special dates..not that i remember every special dates..but the important one like anniversary, birthday, valentine's day, x mas etc..it is already sucks that cant celebrate it on that day, so don't pour cold water on us and saying that we can always celebrate it on another day..why take it soooo seriously..of course i will be sad if i cant celebrate it on that day itself..so give me sometime to mourn about it..after that..il be alright..
3. most of the guys..not all.maybe him only la..takes ages to reply me one single SMS..if you are busy..tell la..( and yar..he just took 30 min to reply me now..im pissed.. and he is going to sleep ady..aint not going to reply..okie..say im childish and bad..i dont care).. just bear in mind guys..for girls.maybe for me only..i don't know..would LOVE you all to reply us ASAP..not taking your own sweet time..if you are busy...tell us..then you are forgiven..no battery..tell and you are forgiven..BUT..if we know you guys are free and doing nothing..but taking 30 min to reply us..you are a dead meat..okay..i am a bit over..but this is a fact..how hard is it to reply wor..i just don't understand lo...
4. to all the guys out there..if you want a girl to trust you hundred percent..just set your record CLEAN..crystal CLEAN..
if you had cheated on a girl before..sorry..byebye..because most probably you will do that again..
if you have ALOT of exes..and still in contact with them VERY often..minus 50 point over 100..why..because girls are very sensitive to 'EX' problem..like me..i just hate it..
if you have a lot of girl friends..and damn close to them..minus 50 point..because girls jealousy are damn scary..you can never imagine how far we can go...
Soo..did i say anything wrong??? so there are so many problems over here..but how to solve it..here are the solutions----
1. just accept that fact that we ARE sensitive..and try not to make us even MORE sensitive..well..i cant say that try and think why we are sensitive..because sometimes i also dont know why..when that person is your Girlfriend..she will put you on the Top Top list..means you are very important to her..just try and think of her when you are doing something..just don't ASSUME that she wnt mind nor she wnt get mad..ASSUMPTION leads to a lot of unhappiness..i dare to say that...
2. About special dates..YES..please be more alert..save it in your phone..or just stick it in your head la..Of course you can always celebrate it before hand or after hand..BUT..celebrating on that exact date is far more meaningful than another day..so don't blame girls for being a little bit too emo when this problem occurs..tell her nicely why you cant and give her time to overcome her moodiness..
3. URGHH..this problem..just try and reply as fast as you can..if you cant reply or hung up on something..TELL..INFORM..atleast she knows why you cant reply her fast..if you did not.. she will start thinking of some nonsense and crap..which does not help at all...soo..guys...be more alert...
4. if you want a girl to trust you, no matter you like it or not..you have to set your records clean...if it is not clean..then try and make up with it..try to clear things up and explain to her..don't hide everything behind her back...for example----dont let her see your phone..hide some files in your comp, etc..she will just think that you are hiding something and you are definitely up to something..to make your life easier..tell her..why, what where and when..whatever it is..just be 100 percent honest to her..
Soo..i am not an expert..im a nob as well..but...i am correct right??? please say yes..haha..no lar..but this is from my experience lo...im just sharing something here...sooo..tell me if i am right..that brighten my day a bit..haha..
Saturday, April 19, 2008
today..until now...10.52pm..my phone is damn quiet..which is a bad thing...luckily right after i wrote 'my phone is damn quiet'..his message came in..sooo...im happy now...thankgod for saving my day..haha...it is frustating when u hear NOTHING from ur bf for the whole day..though i know he is working..but...which girl don't..okie..full stop about him...
im back in seremban for the weekend...stacked up with lots and lots of korean drama..1st would be 'Goong S' which i did not finish watching during my holidays..my review for that drama is -----
'slow moving drama, draggy, stacked up story plot..booooooring..though se7en is cute, but it doesnt help...i like the second leading actress better than the leading lady...conclusion---not worth watching because i was constantly pressing the fast forward button..'
After finish watching that Boring drama...i went and watch 'Stairways to Heaven' again..haha..i had watched it for a few times actually..but im still loving it..no matter how many times i watch this drama..my heart still hurts..IM SERIOUS!!! my heart seriously hurts.. its like something is holding my heart...soo..here goes my review--------
'very dramatic story plot ( but clearly people loves it ), great acting from all the actors and actresses, love all of them, tears catchy, promotes Lotte World ( which succeed with a round of applause..because i went to that place my self..and i did sat on the famous merry go around..haha), very dramatic, sad ending.. makes my heart pound harder..'
Overall..i just love that drama..after watching it..i always like imagine i am that girl..not that i want to die with eye cancer..but being love soooooo deeply by someone..if there is someone who can love me the way he did..i mean like the actor..i die also can smile lo..but of course i dont want to die so fast la...i want to enjoy the process first..then only il die happily..haha..dramatic..NOOO...its romatic..keke..haiz..just wish my BF will love me like he does..the actor..'hong joo opa'..
im dreaming alright..it would never happen in the reality..sigh...il talk about guys in reality in my next blog..because it would be super long...--------^^
im back in seremban for the weekend...stacked up with lots and lots of korean drama..1st would be 'Goong S' which i did not finish watching during my holidays..my review for that drama is -----
'slow moving drama, draggy, stacked up story plot..booooooring..though se7en is cute, but it doesnt help...i like the second leading actress better than the leading lady...conclusion---not worth watching because i was constantly pressing the fast forward button..'
After finish watching that Boring drama...i went and watch 'Stairways to Heaven' again..haha..i had watched it for a few times actually..but im still loving it..no matter how many times i watch this drama..my heart still hurts..IM SERIOUS!!! my heart seriously hurts.. its like something is holding my heart...soo..here goes my review--------
'very dramatic story plot ( but clearly people loves it ), great acting from all the actors and actresses, love all of them, tears catchy, promotes Lotte World ( which succeed with a round of applause..because i went to that place my self..and i did sat on the famous merry go around..haha), very dramatic, sad ending.. makes my heart pound harder..'
Overall..i just love that drama..after watching it..i always like imagine i am that girl..not that i want to die with eye cancer..but being love soooooo deeply by someone..if there is someone who can love me the way he did..i mean like the actor..i die also can smile lo..but of course i dont want to die so fast la...i want to enjoy the process first..then only il die happily..haha..dramatic..NOOO...its romatic..keke..haiz..just wish my BF will love me like he does..the actor..'hong joo opa'..
im dreaming alright..it would never happen in the reality..sigh...il talk about guys in reality in my next blog..because it would be super long...--------^^
Friday, April 18, 2008
future tense
I always like to think things ahead of time...i will imagine what will happen in a few more months...in a few more years..etc..it is not a bad thing..or a good thing...but this is what that keeps me going nowadays...dy dreaming..so what am i dreaming???
1. okie..so brendan again..im sorry la..but i got nothing better to think about mer..keke..around end of may..or beginning of june..he will be going to sabah...not really confirm or anything..but just 'think' that he is going...then il be totally alone at home..which sucks to the maximum..what's worst is il be facing my finals..which 100 percent confirm il be stressing like hell and emo the whole time..so he is not there for me..add that to my frustration...il be missing him for one whole month..okay..il find some way to deal with it...then...most probably during our anniversary he will be in sabah...which pulls my frustration like 100 percent up!! but what can i do?? i can't force him to stay here am i?? i have to deal with it right??? right..im totally right...can't be pamper all the time..ishish..but it is our anniversary...like my first ever..and his as well..argh!!! il have to suck it in again and breathe in a out...
'okay..im cool..next....'
2. what's my future like??? of course i want to be somebody which is well known and highly respected in my field la..so im aiming for Food and Beverage Director in a hotel...that is like freaking hard to get lo...not easy le...i want to have my own restaurant as well..but money always comes first..so got to work hard and save money...hmm..then most probably i would be working in overseas..not in Malaysia..definitely..not to say im not patriotic or whatever la..it is just the reality...here...you cant go high unless you go out and explore..so...byebye malaysia..haha.
3. Migration..haha...yupe..im always saying that il migrate to USA..for one simple reason..i like USA..i just like it over there..i dont know why..hmm..
4. Marriage..talking about it at this age seems to be a bit awkward..but who cares...im just talking about my dreams right??? most probably il get married at the of 25..sounds young right??? pls..if i get married at that age..then il have children at 26/27..then it would be just nice...i would not look that old when my children are at their teenage stage..haha..but i am just making an assumption la.. of course you have to look for your Mr. Right and everything...that..il think later..now just continue to say dream..keke..
5. let's go back to Brendan..sorry guys..haha..most probably il be taking my higher dip..same as him..as for your information...i confirm that we are only training for two months..haha..which i am really happy with it..BECAUSE..i thought that we have to train for 5 whole months...and i am not quite happy with it..why??? because he will be going out station to train( maybe..not sure yet), so am i ( definitely going outstation..haha)..he will go for his training..and il stuck in that college..then..i go for my training..and he will be in college..how fair is it??? ishish...at first i thought it would be 6 months..6+6=12...ONE WHOLE DAMN YEAR..what the..do you think i can take it??? i was like thinking about it for quite some time...ish..but now..four months only..still okay la..at least not one year right???i am happy enough...
1. okie..so brendan again..im sorry la..but i got nothing better to think about mer..keke..around end of may..or beginning of june..he will be going to sabah...not really confirm or anything..but just 'think' that he is going...then il be totally alone at home..which sucks to the maximum..what's worst is il be facing my finals..which 100 percent confirm il be stressing like hell and emo the whole time..so he is not there for me..add that to my frustration...il be missing him for one whole month..okay..il find some way to deal with it...then...most probably during our anniversary he will be in sabah...which pulls my frustration like 100 percent up!! but what can i do?? i can't force him to stay here am i?? i have to deal with it right??? right..im totally right...can't be pamper all the time..ishish..but it is our anniversary...like my first ever..and his as well..argh!!! il have to suck it in again and breathe in a out...
'okay..im cool..next....'
2. what's my future like??? of course i want to be somebody which is well known and highly respected in my field la..so im aiming for Food and Beverage Director in a hotel...that is like freaking hard to get lo...not easy le...i want to have my own restaurant as well..but money always comes first..so got to work hard and save money...hmm..then most probably i would be working in overseas..not in Malaysia..definitely..not to say im not patriotic or whatever la..it is just the reality...here...you cant go high unless you go out and explore..so...byebye malaysia..haha.
3. Migration..haha...yupe..im always saying that il migrate to USA..for one simple reason..i like USA..i just like it over there..i dont know why..hmm..
4. Marriage..talking about it at this age seems to be a bit awkward..but who cares...im just talking about my dreams right??? most probably il get married at the of 25..sounds young right??? pls..if i get married at that age..then il have children at 26/27..then it would be just nice...i would not look that old when my children are at their teenage stage..haha..but i am just making an assumption la.. of course you have to look for your Mr. Right and everything...that..il think later..now just continue to say dream..keke..
5. let's go back to Brendan..sorry guys..haha..most probably il be taking my higher dip..same as him..as for your information...i confirm that we are only training for two months..haha..which i am really happy with it..BECAUSE..i thought that we have to train for 5 whole months...and i am not quite happy with it..why??? because he will be going out station to train( maybe..not sure yet), so am i ( definitely going outstation..haha)..he will go for his training..and il stuck in that college..then..i go for my training..and he will be in college..how fair is it??? ishish...at first i thought it would be 6 months..6+6=12...ONE WHOLE DAMN YEAR..what the..do you think i can take it??? i was like thinking about it for quite some time...ish..but now..four months only..still okay la..at least not one year right???i am happy enough...
Friday, April 11, 2008
PISSED!!!!!!!!!!
TODAY...im BLOODY PISSED!!! oh god..seriously deeply angry...in this world..there are just SOMEBODY who will just be there to PISSED u off...DAMN...i just don't understand lo...i was trying to make things to be less complicated so everyone can live happily and peacefully...i even ask nicely...but what i get is 'lost ady'....WTF....... ya rite...u had lost it...if YOU had lost it..where do you park your damn car now????? HOW THE HELL YOU GET INTO THE DAMN BLOODY BUILDING...okie..chill...i need to chill...
But what that really makes me frustrated is that i can't fight for myself..i CAN'T..i just CAN'T....
ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after she said she has lost it...i just stoned...i STONED!!!!! i just can't answer back..i don't know what to answer back..i just STONED!!! what is wrong with me??? i can't even defend myself???
If her motive is to make my life miserable..yes..you did..congratulations...BUT...what my friends said is true..why do i need to stress up myself because of this tiny weeny characters in my life...screwed it...let it settle between the adults and her..but not me---the middle person..who kena screwed for nothing...cb!!
Do you know that sometimes dreams reflect your real life???sometimes the opposite of what you dream... yesterday..in my dreams..i dream that she gave me back the card without showing that bloody fu*cking attitude of hers...and we still can talk...in the REALITY...it was the total opposite...DAMN IT...
come on..you are at least 3 years older than me..you should know to use your brains and THINK...why you have to act so childishly??? i just don't get it..
NOW..i just want to live peacefully without any controversy...i don't want any fights nor anything..i just want to be happy...i really just want to be happy...
But what that really makes me frustrated is that i can't fight for myself..i CAN'T..i just CAN'T....
ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after she said she has lost it...i just stoned...i STONED!!!!! i just can't answer back..i don't know what to answer back..i just STONED!!! what is wrong with me??? i can't even defend myself???
If her motive is to make my life miserable..yes..you did..congratulations...BUT...what my friends said is true..why do i need to stress up myself because of this tiny weeny characters in my life...screwed it...let it settle between the adults and her..but not me---the middle person..who kena screwed for nothing...cb!!
Do you know that sometimes dreams reflect your real life???sometimes the opposite of what you dream... yesterday..in my dreams..i dream that she gave me back the card without showing that bloody fu*cking attitude of hers...and we still can talk...in the REALITY...it was the total opposite...DAMN IT...
come on..you are at least 3 years older than me..you should know to use your brains and THINK...why you have to act so childishly??? i just don't get it..
NOW..i just want to live peacefully without any controversy...i don't want any fights nor anything..i just want to be happy...i really just want to be happy...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
A little get away during break!!
Fortunately our 10am class was canceled...Lecturer MC war...Yea right..like i believe her...whatever la..atleast we don't have to listen to her crap! But cant they just like inform us earlier so that we can catch atleast three hours of sleep??? haiz.. Nevermind...What to do during our Three hours of break????----------Sunway Pyramid^^..Where else can we go...you tell me la..
Ryan Hui and Chermaine was there before us..they landed on Wendy's..which is a newly opened fast food restaurant..okie..something new for me...let's go...i was terribly hungry on that time..i need food...Soo...i had a 1/4 beef burger...i thought it was small...but look at the size of it!!!!!
*munch munch munch...Nice..but too big for me..i cant even finish it..damn memalukan...the thin girl which is from group 5( sitting at the table next to us) can finish it...why cant i???sad wei...
Me and Hui trying to pose here!!!
i just love this picture!!! Yeng ornt???keke
Tada!! All the girls...cat, me, diny, hui and chermaine!!
Ryan Hui and Chermaine was there before us..they landed on Wendy's..which is a newly opened fast food restaurant..okie..something new for me...let's go...i was terribly hungry on that time..i need food...Soo...i had a 1/4 beef burger...i thought it was small...but look at the size of it!!!!!
*munch munch munch...Nice..but too big for me..i cant even finish it..damn memalukan...the thin girl which is from group 5( sitting at the table next to us) can finish it...why cant i???sad wei...After having our brunch...its picture time!!! yeah yeah!!! Here goes the hp cam-----
me, chermain and ryan...*how smart do i look..keke...
Me and Hui trying to pose here!!! 
i just love this picture!!! Yeng ornt???keke
Tada!! All the girls...cat, me, diny, hui and chermaine!!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
my blue eyes!!
okie..i finally got my blue contacts pictures..Hui posted up in her blog..oh my god..it is bloody obvious..haha...i like it...BUT..what's bothering me is-----the oily shiny thingy all oevr my face..yikes...i forgoten to use my oil bolter..which makes my face shines like LG phone..damn it..
what about this picture...the concentration should be on my eyes...BUT..for me...its my shiny face that bothers me...damn it..and my pores..why are they soooooo big...haiz...damn sad wei...but for you guys..look into my eyes...look into my eyes...not my face..keke...
sooo...what do you think???? nice??? weird??? alien??? witch??? whatever..just spit it out...i want to know..haha..and by the way..don't comment about my face though!!!
what about this picture...the concentration should be on my eyes...BUT..for me...its my shiny face that bothers me...damn it..and my pores..why are they soooooo big...haiz...damn sad wei...but for you guys..look into my eyes...look into my eyes...not my face..keke...
sooo...what do you think???? nice??? weird??? alien??? witch??? whatever..just spit it out...i want to know..haha..and by the way..don't comment about my face though!!!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
First two days in College!!!
Back in college..like finally!! Me, cat and diny really had a hard time finding for our class..haha..we had totally forgotten where are all the classrooms..we went up and down just to find for our class..AND!!!! i wore my Nose heels again..ONCE AGAIN..i ended up getting bruises all over my foot..i swear to god im going to throw it away!!!LOUSY!!!!
First class..---Food Science!!!! OMG!!!! just kill me..it is DR THedd!!! like what hui said..we can really meditate..what she said is just like a lullaby or some matra to us...
'ohmm....malimali ohm.......' ^^"
Crazy...First class already telling us about avian flu...sammonella or whatever that has to do with hazzard thingy..i think..not really listening to her..i was busy talking practically to everyone nearby me..^^
Practically all the classes were OK..French was fun though we were half and hour late...Je suis en retard----im late....haha..^^ i cant pronounce the 'r' word properly...because...i cnt suck in air from my throat from my nose--Taught by dear Cat..haha..
Then here goes my Accounts lecturer (guy)..which is quite funny at first..Young and totally Malaysian.. ^^then when the lesson commerce..he taught like so fast..hey!!! my brains were frozen for like three whole months..i need time to restart it la...Accounts..the worst subject of all for my entire whole life..i got headache again after my class..damn..i just hate it..
OH!! Today i wore my saphire blue contacts..haha...somebody said i look like a witch..some said i look very scary..i dont hav my pic here..il upload in another day..keke..so just tell me how you feel about my new contacts ya...
First class..---Food Science!!!! OMG!!!! just kill me..it is DR THedd!!! like what hui said..we can really meditate..what she said is just like a lullaby or some matra to us...
'ohmm....malimali ohm.......' ^^"
Crazy...First class already telling us about avian flu...sammonella or whatever that has to do with hazzard thingy..i think..not really listening to her..i was busy talking practically to everyone nearby me..^^
Practically all the classes were OK..French was fun though we were half and hour late...Je suis en retard----im late....haha..^^ i cant pronounce the 'r' word properly...because...i cnt suck in air from my throat from my nose--Taught by dear Cat..haha..
Then here goes my Accounts lecturer (guy)..which is quite funny at first..Young and totally Malaysian.. ^^then when the lesson commerce..he taught like so fast..hey!!! my brains were frozen for like three whole months..i need time to restart it la...Accounts..the worst subject of all for my entire whole life..i got headache again after my class..damn..i just hate it..
OH!! Today i wore my saphire blue contacts..haha...somebody said i look like a witch..some said i look very scary..i dont hav my pic here..il upload in another day..keke..so just tell me how you feel about my new contacts ya...
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Hailstone is Seremban????
Nowadays..everything has gone crazy..the people has gone crazy...i am crazy and even the weather is crazy...sudden rain sudden sunny day...sudden freezing cold sudden burning hot...gosh..it is just so irritating...and yes..there is a hailstone in my own hometown Seremban on last Sunday...
Hailstone!!!! That afternoon..i was trying real bad to sleep..because i was just so exhausted..then it rains...
'oh great!!! i can sleep now...'..
when i almost going to fall into my dreamland... the wind started to blow real strong...banging my window...i have to climb down my bed to close the windows..
'ok..now i can sleep..'
the same thing repeated again and again..finally..i grab hold of a string and tied it to my grill..When i finally can lie down peacefully on my bed..'pop' the electricity went off...i went downstairs and heard my brothers screeching with excitement..
'look out the window..got hailstone!!'
i ran to my living room...and yea..there are tonnes of ice stones on the grass..
can you spot the tiny winy stones on the grass???yupe..it is real..you are not punk!! i was real excited about it..then i spotted something was wrong...the electric poll inside my house was broken into half..WoA!!! the poor thing just got snap into half..
after the rain became 'lesser'*tern used by Brendan..i went out and snap some pictures of what is going on outside the house...Actually the electric poll did not just snap into half just like that..there's a huge tree a few house away 'tumbang' and the trunk caught on the wire and caused the two electric poll to fall down...
looks like there's a hurricane right??? this little incident caused my housing area to suffer until 4am in the morning...no cars can come in nor go out because the damn tree is blocking the whole road..haiz..so the conclusion is----------
no electricity=no tv+no computer+no fan+no air con+mosquitoes+frustration+boredom+ alot of daydreaming
So my cute little hail stone..please don't comeback again...never ever some back again...god bless..
Hailstone!!!! That afternoon..i was trying real bad to sleep..because i was just so exhausted..then it rains...
'oh great!!! i can sleep now...'..
when i almost going to fall into my dreamland... the wind started to blow real strong...banging my window...i have to climb down my bed to close the windows..
'ok..now i can sleep..'
the same thing repeated again and again..finally..i grab hold of a string and tied it to my grill..When i finally can lie down peacefully on my bed..'pop' the electricity went off...i went downstairs and heard my brothers screeching with excitement..
'look out the window..got hailstone!!'
i ran to my living room...and yea..there are tonnes of ice stones on the grass..
can you spot the tiny winy stones on the grass???yupe..it is real..you are not punk!! i was real excited about it..then i spotted something was wrong...the electric poll inside my house was broken into half..WoA!!! the poor thing just got snap into half..
after the rain became 'lesser'*tern used by Brendan..i went out and snap some pictures of what is going on outside the house...Actually the electric poll did not just snap into half just like that..there's a huge tree a few house away 'tumbang' and the trunk caught on the wire and caused the two electric poll to fall down...
looks like there's a hurricane right??? this little incident caused my housing area to suffer until 4am in the morning...no cars can come in nor go out because the damn tree is blocking the whole road..haiz..so the conclusion is----------no electricity=no tv+no computer+no fan+no air con+mosquitoes+frustration+boredom+ alot of daydreaming
So my cute little hail stone..please don't comeback again...never ever some back again...god bless..
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
recently...i did make my friends worried about me..sorry about the sudden heart attack...i did not aspect it myself..thanks for calling me and being there for me..thanks for a million and billion times..haha...i was being stubborn and stupid...i know all that...whatever it is...the most important thing that i want now is being happy and happy...nothing else...for the past three months...put aside brendan as an excuse...i was really all over the place and could not get hold of myself...im sensitive...emo all the time...and i can hardly even control my emotions...i could have handle everything better..but i just let everything to be worst...i don't blame others..but myself...Sooo...im taking everything as a new starting point for myself now...i just hope that i can really change into a better person..emotionally and mentally...so peace!!! ^^
As a new starting point..i had changed my hairstyle...straighten it..but im not really sure whether it is really nice...so il c what you guys say when you see my new hairstyle...
i wanted to change my contact as well..into color contacts...but il hav to wait for my friends to reply me...so cross my fingers...^^,
The next step is to change my dressing style...im seriously not sure how am i going to change it..but il try...with limited cash im my pocket..i dunoe what i can do...haha...
okie..so what's nexts??? no idea...haha...my size...ofcz i dowan to be fat..so im not changing anything about it...my height..wish i could be taller..haha...then my face...ermm...cnt change anything unless i go for a plastic surgery..ahah...im okie with my features now..so just forget about it...then...that's all i guess...
sooo....hope that you guys will like my changes this time...keke...cross my fingers..^^
As a new starting point..i had changed my hairstyle...straighten it..but im not really sure whether it is really nice...so il c what you guys say when you see my new hairstyle...
i wanted to change my contact as well..into color contacts...but il hav to wait for my friends to reply me...so cross my fingers...^^,
The next step is to change my dressing style...im seriously not sure how am i going to change it..but il try...with limited cash im my pocket..i dunoe what i can do...haha...
okie..so what's nexts??? no idea...haha...my size...ofcz i dowan to be fat..so im not changing anything about it...my height..wish i could be taller..haha...then my face...ermm...cnt change anything unless i go for a plastic surgery..ahah...im okie with my features now..so just forget about it...then...that's all i guess...
sooo....hope that you guys will like my changes this time...keke...cross my fingers..^^
Saturday, March 8, 2008
p/s...i love you..i just finished reading this book...took me five days to finish it..why it took me so long to finish it??? i read this book when im waiting for the train and in the train...i think people around me might think that im a super nerd or some creepy girl because the train was like jammed with people and i still can find a space of my own to read..normally i would have slept dead in the train because i was too tired..but after my shift was changed to 9-5..everything was different..the train was all pack..full with assorted people with disgusting 'aroma'...i was squeeze and pushed by people around me...i felt HORRIBLE..my ass was constantly squeezing with other's ass..which disgust me to the max..urghh!!! i hate peak hours...
hey..i was talking about the book i was reading...it was fairly romantic....i can actually picture how did holy felt after her husband passed away...most of the time the author will describe how miserable her life is after her husband left her..how she slowly climb up with the assistant of her husband...moving on with her own life without him...i was thinking myself....would this happen to me one day??? if it does...can i be strong enough to make it through??? HMmm...what the heck am i thinking??? im just 19 and not married yet...and i am talking about being a widow???? well...that is just something that is going through my mind after i read the book...
my life looks normal, tastes normal and smells normal...but the fact it..i was damn pissed and disappointed by somebody...this time..it is not him anymore...the thing that i hated THE most is to be blame or scolded by someone for no reason..for something that i have nothing to do with it....Why humans have to be that selfish and think ONLY for themselves...Why they have to be SOOOO calculative over everything and can't just loosen a bit...You want to gain something...go and get it yourself..not by hoping on others to do all the dirty jobs for you...TOLERATION...i had tolerate long enough with all the bullshitting and f**king things from these people...damn it...i have feelings as well..just bloody think less for yourself and think for others...For me..it will be damn hard for me to voice out whatever that is bothering me..i barely argue or fight with anybody..because i know i suck in it...i was trying to think for everybody...how they felt...how they will think and so on...but it seems like worthless nowadays..because nobody seems to care about it...the only thing that they know is to protect their own priorities...everything is 'me me me and me'...oh come on....grow up and learn how to live with people...be less selfish...DARN!!! i was really pissed!!! now..what i have to do..is to think more for myself and don't give a damn on what people think about me...i don't have to be that girl-who-everyone-loves...i just have to make myself happy and that matters the most to me now....
hey..i was talking about the book i was reading...it was fairly romantic....i can actually picture how did holy felt after her husband passed away...most of the time the author will describe how miserable her life is after her husband left her..how she slowly climb up with the assistant of her husband...moving on with her own life without him...i was thinking myself....would this happen to me one day??? if it does...can i be strong enough to make it through??? HMmm...what the heck am i thinking??? im just 19 and not married yet...and i am talking about being a widow???? well...that is just something that is going through my mind after i read the book...
my life looks normal, tastes normal and smells normal...but the fact it..i was damn pissed and disappointed by somebody...this time..it is not him anymore...the thing that i hated THE most is to be blame or scolded by someone for no reason..for something that i have nothing to do with it....Why humans have to be that selfish and think ONLY for themselves...Why they have to be SOOOO calculative over everything and can't just loosen a bit...You want to gain something...go and get it yourself..not by hoping on others to do all the dirty jobs for you...TOLERATION...i had tolerate long enough with all the bullshitting and f**king things from these people...damn it...i have feelings as well..just bloody think less for yourself and think for others...For me..it will be damn hard for me to voice out whatever that is bothering me..i barely argue or fight with anybody..because i know i suck in it...i was trying to think for everybody...how they felt...how they will think and so on...but it seems like worthless nowadays..because nobody seems to care about it...the only thing that they know is to protect their own priorities...everything is 'me me me and me'...oh come on....grow up and learn how to live with people...be less selfish...DARN!!! i was really pissed!!! now..what i have to do..is to think more for myself and don't give a damn on what people think about me...i don't have to be that girl-who-everyone-loves...i just have to make myself happy and that matters the most to me now....
Thursday, February 28, 2008
housekeeping suckxxx!!!!
just for everyone's information...my relationship with Brendan is doing great right now...nothing is impossible right??? i just need to move on and stop picking up the old stories...a big big thanks to all my friends who supported me and helped me...Muakxx..love you guys alot...
Well...HOUSEKEEPING SUCKXX!!!! shit..i can't wait to say that loud man...i just hate housekeeping...First day in housekeeping...Room...gosh....everything is like rush rush rush and rush...i have to keep on moving..what is my job..help to clear the bed...throw the rubbish,,wash the dishes...wipe the all the cabinets...and vacuum the whole damn room...im not in charge of the toilet though...i did not eat anything that morning and oh my god...i am going to faint at any minute...my hands were like shivering like hell because i had nothing in my stomach-----means no energy...then i swear to myself....if im working in rooms again..i will never skip my breakfast...really suffering man....
Housekeeping makes me realize that food...is very important....like really really important...it is sooooo energy straining....everyday none stop rushing and rushing....rushing to finish the room...rushing the get the linen ready...all sorts of shit job to do la....today i suppose to be doing clerk desk....STUPID...they still put me in rooms...yesterday i was like sooooooo happy because it suppose to be my last day im rooms...i was expecting to be sitting down the whole day today...mana tahu....'you follow this kakak and do the room....' WTF!!!! i was damn pissed lo....haiz....fine...il do it...right after i finish what i suppose to do..i had a bad headache and im dizzy like shit....housekeeping...screwd it man....
as a conclusion..my last month in Pasific Regency is going to be a nightmare..i cant wait to end it immediately....like IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!help me....
Well...HOUSEKEEPING SUCKXX!!!! shit..i can't wait to say that loud man...i just hate housekeeping...First day in housekeeping...Room...gosh....everything is like rush rush rush and rush...i have to keep on moving..what is my job..help to clear the bed...throw the rubbish,,wash the dishes...wipe the all the cabinets...and vacuum the whole damn room...im not in charge of the toilet though...i did not eat anything that morning and oh my god...i am going to faint at any minute...my hands were like shivering like hell because i had nothing in my stomach-----means no energy...then i swear to myself....if im working in rooms again..i will never skip my breakfast...really suffering man....
Housekeeping makes me realize that food...is very important....like really really important...it is sooooo energy straining....everyday none stop rushing and rushing....rushing to finish the room...rushing the get the linen ready...all sorts of shit job to do la....today i suppose to be doing clerk desk....STUPID...they still put me in rooms...yesterday i was like sooooooo happy because it suppose to be my last day im rooms...i was expecting to be sitting down the whole day today...mana tahu....'you follow this kakak and do the room....' WTF!!!! i was damn pissed lo....haiz....fine...il do it...right after i finish what i suppose to do..i had a bad headache and im dizzy like shit....housekeeping...screwd it man....
as a conclusion..my last month in Pasific Regency is going to be a nightmare..i cant wait to end it immediately....like IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!help me....
Friday, February 15, 2008
My valentines....
''**My 2008 Valentines**''
This is not my first valentine actually...my previous one was in a super ulu camp which ended up kinda funny and weird...But this is year be my first time spending valentines with Brendan and first time celebrating in the real world..haha...
Basically its valentines...cnt be short of choc( which i din recieve any..how sad ), roses and gifts..then go for a dinner or a movie..that's the most normal valentines you can get...well...mine was very normal as well...
My V-Day started with my boring work routine
Dinner in Italianese
( it is quite pricely but the food was superb..drank white wine which makes my whole body flush like shit )
New Balance Shoes
( Yupe...that is my V-Day present..which is quite thoughtful because i was planning to get one...)
Movie-- Jumper
( It was damn cool and nice..Great story line and fantastic effects )
Well...that's all fox...that's my valentines...it sounds boring and lame..bt i actually did enjoy it..because it is my first time experiencing V-Day like every other couples do...Its sweet and nice....
This is not my first valentine actually...my previous one was in a super ulu camp which ended up kinda funny and weird...But this is year be my first time spending valentines with Brendan and first time celebrating in the real world..haha...
Basically its valentines...cnt be short of choc( which i din recieve any..how sad ), roses and gifts..then go for a dinner or a movie..that's the most normal valentines you can get...well...mine was very normal as well...
My V-Day started with my boring work routine
Dinner in Italianese
( it is quite pricely but the food was superb..drank white wine which makes my whole body flush like shit )
New Balance Shoes
( Yupe...that is my V-Day present..which is quite thoughtful because i was planning to get one...)
Movie-- Jumper
( It was damn cool and nice..Great story line and fantastic effects )
Well...that's all fox...that's my valentines...it sounds boring and lame..bt i actually did enjoy it..because it is my first time experiencing V-Day like every other couples do...Its sweet and nice....
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Dillemma...
i recently bump into somebody's blog..apparently it is somebody from Taiwan, married to a guy...it was a very long blog about her marriage life...this story sets me on thinking because it kinda of reflected on myself..i am not saying that i am married...But...something similar...i don't know whether i am the one who is thinking too much or another way round...maybe i am asking for too much..or maybe i still do not know how to appreciate...
The point is...i know i cant be his top priority, i might just come after family, studies or even friends...but i just need him to know that i am his girlfriend..not just a puppet or even a maid...i am not there for nothing...i will always be there if he needs to talk..but he seldom speak about his problem to me...he might go and find other girls to talk to...but rarely me...it sounds stupid for most of the people, but being together with a guy who claims that he can only click with girls is not that easy after all...most of his friends are girls...so am i suppose to not be jealous..even a single bit??? maybe you will say that you should trust him...if you ask me whether i trust him or not...i might just pause for a second or two, and answer you' i do trust him..but......' i know bumping into his phone is very immoral..but...he doesn't like me to touch his phone..even just checking out his songs...he will said that it is his personal stuffs. so will i get suspicious??? of course...sometimes i just want to see what is so great in his phone...the result is...same thing that happens over and over again...sweet talk...if you sweet talk to me..i understand...but to other girls???? last time to his ex-es, now to somebody in college...of course it is heart wrecking...which girls wont??? some girls can...but for me..it is very tough for me to reach the stage where i can just ignore all those messages and trust him...i just don't understand why he can sent those sweet talk to other girls..i just don't understand..
maybe i am not matured enough or maybe i am not open enough??? i seriously don't know already...every time i think about this, tears would be swirling in my eyes...he always talk about personal life...okay..i give you your personal life...after i come back from work..we will eat dinner together...then he will do his own stuffs in internet..same goes to me...after that...i am too tired to stay awake and il just go to bed...he will come after he finish his work..by that time...im already deeply in sleep....i don't know what to say already...maybe this is normal....people tell me you have to appreciate what you have now...don't ask for too much or don't think too much...
being in a relationship is not easy as it looks...there is too much to be learn and too much to be experience...i don't want some pricey gifts, expensive dinner or anything to do with money, i just want to be love and being care by my love one...i never ask him to buy any gifts for me...i never ask him to pay for the meal by himself...that's why i don't spend a lot for myself...instead il be saving the money for us...for his birthday, or some special occasion.even i am very tired or what, sometimes il still stay awake so i can talk to him for a while...il ask the manager of chef to change my off day so i can spend some time with him...even just for a while will makes me happy...am i not thoughtful enough??? am i too naive??? Please don't think that i only think for myself..the truth is...i think very less for myself...
It is not a very big problem actually...but i really do hope that he will take some time and think of what i had said and think throughly...i don't just say all these for fun...i really meant it...can somebody just tell me what should i do???
The point is...i know i cant be his top priority, i might just come after family, studies or even friends...but i just need him to know that i am his girlfriend..not just a puppet or even a maid...i am not there for nothing...i will always be there if he needs to talk..but he seldom speak about his problem to me...he might go and find other girls to talk to...but rarely me...it sounds stupid for most of the people, but being together with a guy who claims that he can only click with girls is not that easy after all...most of his friends are girls...so am i suppose to not be jealous..even a single bit??? maybe you will say that you should trust him...if you ask me whether i trust him or not...i might just pause for a second or two, and answer you' i do trust him..but......' i know bumping into his phone is very immoral..but...he doesn't like me to touch his phone..even just checking out his songs...he will said that it is his personal stuffs. so will i get suspicious??? of course...sometimes i just want to see what is so great in his phone...the result is...same thing that happens over and over again...sweet talk...if you sweet talk to me..i understand...but to other girls???? last time to his ex-es, now to somebody in college...of course it is heart wrecking...which girls wont??? some girls can...but for me..it is very tough for me to reach the stage where i can just ignore all those messages and trust him...i just don't understand why he can sent those sweet talk to other girls..i just don't understand..
maybe i am not matured enough or maybe i am not open enough??? i seriously don't know already...every time i think about this, tears would be swirling in my eyes...he always talk about personal life...okay..i give you your personal life...after i come back from work..we will eat dinner together...then he will do his own stuffs in internet..same goes to me...after that...i am too tired to stay awake and il just go to bed...he will come after he finish his work..by that time...im already deeply in sleep....i don't know what to say already...maybe this is normal....people tell me you have to appreciate what you have now...don't ask for too much or don't think too much...
being in a relationship is not easy as it looks...there is too much to be learn and too much to be experience...i don't want some pricey gifts, expensive dinner or anything to do with money, i just want to be love and being care by my love one...i never ask him to buy any gifts for me...i never ask him to pay for the meal by himself...that's why i don't spend a lot for myself...instead il be saving the money for us...for his birthday, or some special occasion.even i am very tired or what, sometimes il still stay awake so i can talk to him for a while...il ask the manager of chef to change my off day so i can spend some time with him...even just for a while will makes me happy...am i not thoughtful enough??? am i too naive??? Please don't think that i only think for myself..the truth is...i think very less for myself...
It is not a very big problem actually...but i really do hope that he will take some time and think of what i had said and think throughly...i don't just say all these for fun...i really meant it...can somebody just tell me what should i do???
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