sad and just plain sad

Just when i thought i can get everything back in order..something has to happen...

My grandama had passed away this afternoon..

i was shocked when my brother sms me..because i did not know my grandma went to penang with my mom and aunt...i only know they will be back today...then this news came to me..in a sudden..i was just shock and stare at my phone...luckily Brendan was here...i started to cry...because i realize that it was my ah ma that had brought me up all these years who passed away..not some nobody...she is my grandmother...

the one that always nag me for not doing the houschores..the one that always call and ask me whether i ate already ornt..the one that always call me and ask out whole family to go to her house and eat har mee ( home made noodle..my ah ma's specialty )..the one who always cook food for me and my brother whenever my mom is not around..the one that will tapao breakfast for my and my bro..the one that always ask me when am i coming back from KL..the one that always sad when im saying i wnt be coming back...

now only i remember since when is the last time i saw my grandma...it was long long time ago...maybe last month..when i came home and we went and eat steamboat..that was the last time i saw her...i miss my grandma very much..i really miss her...

but now..i cant see her already...i cant even see her for the last time...

SHIT...im crying like hell now...

Ah ma...sorry for not coming home that frequent...sorry for not listening to you at times...sorry for everything...

thanks for taking care of me, ah liang, ah jun and ah xiong since we were small..

thanks for defending us when mama scold us for nothing...

thanks for cooking for us..

thanks for everything...

May you rest in peace now...

i love u...ah ma...

and i miss you