I know if i say this..a lot of you will kill me...slaughter me...or scold me...but...I have no idea why it dropped again...maybe because its the earth gravity...or because my bone's density had dropped...Yesterday when I weight myself...its 40kg...>.< the most reasonable reason I can find is, exam stress and emotional stress...I swear to god i never diet or eat less okay?? B is my witness....
My last exam turned out to be my worst performance so far...kitchen...urghhh...I just can not get it off my mind though i had tried...Our imposed dish turned out to be a three layered Bavarian..means...I need to get three different layers of Bavarian to set in two hours...fine..I know I need to do it fast so it will set...So I keep pushing my commis to do it fast fast fast...first..my creme anglais was not thick enough and it was not chilled enough before i left it in my chiller...then i had one whole layer of water on the top....shoots...then it turned out that my gelatin was not bloomed properly...so my Bavarian wont set AT ALL...when I see my first layer..i knew...it won't set..I was so frustrated and I started to cursed a lot...and even my commis asked me to not be stress..HOW CAN I NOT??? MINE IS NOT SET AT ALL???? I almost want to cry at that point...
Then Wai Kheng came over..and she said..you can not break down at this point...then immediately I knew..I must do something...She then gave me some extra gelatin...and I tried to put it in..but nothing happened..Then she said maybe you can mix some whipped cream inside to make it thick..and I did..but it did not set as well...finally...she borrowed me her tart case..and I just pour my not-set-at-all-Bavarian-soup in it and served as it is...I knew..I screwed up big time...because my imposed dish was not done at all...but so do many people..well..only two person's Bavarian set among the 30 over candidates...
My main dish was fine..poached fish was fine..but my tomato fondue?? the tomato's was over cook because I need it to cook with my fish...so it became too soupy...then my hollandaise...thanks to my demotivated spirit..whatever I had learned in applied science..it did not cross my mind to use it..it split...now come to think of it...the temperature was too high...=( but I did served it on time..in fact..i am the first...
70 percent of the candidates at my session did not manage to finish on time...some was late for 30 minutes..After everything was done..I was still trying my best to keep myself together to not break down...Some cried..and I straight walked away...because I knew I will cry if I stay...then Wai Kheng cried...I tried and comfort her...I asked her why...she said..I understand how does it felt to not able to finish on time..and seeing you all trying to be tough really makes me sad...
and then..it hit me..I cried a bit...but still trying to hold on...I don't want to break down in front of so many people...but once I step into B's car...I cried like a baby...I just need to release it all out...it was certainly a bad day for all of us..I rather get Gateaux really...at least I will have something to present even though it may not be perfect...I rather get lamb and an easy imposed dish...but Bavarian...oh gosh...
My kitchen sucks...and to be frank...it is one of the most important part in the entire exam...my FnB workshop...I screwed up one workshop as well....So there goes my practical...unless miracle happened...I think I will not able to get above 15...theories, orals and all...unless I get all above 15...I need a miracle now...I really do...I want to get Congrates to be honest...but after last friday...I guess I have to forget about it...
Mind me blabbering it again...because I guess my blog is the last place I need to release it all..after that..I shall then shut up and continue with my life...
Wai Kheng said I was a tough cookie...I....I tried to be one in front of everyone...but deep down inside..I am still a fragile small kid...I can get bruised easily...I tried to be the best for everyone else...and sometimes...I think..am I too selfless?? I just want to see everyone happy...Told you I am emotional stress now....urghhh...I guess I need to hang on until Monday to know how I did yea??? good luck to me....
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