I am not a person who will say thank god because I am just so lucky, or should I say I was. I always thought that my life was a tough one. I used to had a mum who had anger controlling issues when she had me when I was born, I used to. I used to had a quiet family, I used to. I used to pulled my brother's hair and not speak to them, I used to. I used to get jealous of my brothers because they always get what they want but not me, I used to.I used to be independent because of stress from my mum in studies, and I still do.
But now, my mum had changed. Probably because all of us had grown up and knew how to deal with her emotional swings. We started to talk to each other often, also because my parents started to open up their heart. I do not pull my brother's hair anymore, cut his hair maybe. We are all grown up and not a small kid anymore. We know that somehow, family is important. I learned how to be independent because of how I was brought up. I was not brought up in a way that my parents will be forever worried about me. They don't. They know that somehow I will find a way to solve the problems that I had. Even until now today, they do not call me every week to know how was I doing in KL, not even once in a month. But they know, that I am safe and I know what am I doing.
And I never said this to them, thank you for everything that both of you had done for us. Thank you for teaching me the hard way to be strong and independent, if it is not because of the army drill, I may not be who I am now. and thanks for being a place I can always go back to.
I am not the best person in expressing inner self to other people, except to my old girlfriends and my baby. I felt insecure about what other people think of me, and I may not be a person who will start talking to a stranger, even some one that I know by name and I see everyday but I never talk to. Yes Kar Woon, I am not like you. But professionally when It comes to work, I will talk.
But I just want to say this, I am glad for what I had now, and lucky to have a bunch of crazy friends who always had my back, and lucky that I found him.
Eunice, thanks for being such a great friend to me since forever. Always worried about me even though you are miles and miles away. Please come back fast because I miss you.
Kar Woon, thanks for being the second me. Whether people said we look similar somehow or having the almost same personality at most times, I always enjoy your company, or should I say we always enjoy your company, because you always lighten the room with your big attitude. and oh, don't be perasan okay??
Wai Mae, thanks for being most of our adviser in a lot of things, and also, thanks for being a neutral person in our gang. Being the rational one in our group, you always lead us in the right track.
Dolores, still remember bumping into you at Ridzuan crying. Thanks for being my emotional support pillar and my teman when going out with the guys. And oh, thanks for being my karaoke partner in KL.
Joo Ee, the girl with the toughest armor outside but the most fragile inside. Thanks for cheering us up with your hilarious laugh that confirm will lighten the room up. Oh how I miss that laugh.
and last but not least, Aaron.
I had changed much after I met you. Really, my life had turned 180 degree and I can not find a better way to live my life the way it is now. You had been my calm guru in everything. Every time when it comes to exam, stress will kill me slowly and I will freaked out like a mouse. But surprisingly this time, I am blogging at this hour, and stress much? No. Whether its passing with flying colors or lower that my expectation, at least I had tried my best.
My happy charm. You never fail to make me smile with your wink and peace sign, and I am missing that now. My very own small kid at heart. Whether it is your Aceline trademarked dance moves, or Shishi Shushu shake shake, I wish to keep it all for myself. See, I am smiling while writing this. What kind of charm you had cast on me?
I like to curl up like a baby in your arms because when I do so, nothing else in the world matters to me. I listened to your heart beat, listened to your breathing, listened to your words, and its like a never ending enchantment that kept my heart beating. And I know, as long as we still hold our hands tightly, we can go miles and miles together.
There is nothing else in this world that I wanted so badly for, but you. I know if I do not appreciate what I have now, I will crushed down into hell and lie on beds of dead roses with nothing but regrets. I am sorry if I am insecure at times, because it is at that very moment, I know how perfect you are and I am afraid that I am not the best for you. Said this many times, wrote this many times and will still do so in a long time,
I love you.
p/s Yes, thank god for what I had now.
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