GATHERING!!!!

Another day of multiple posts..haha..why am i so free to write yea..tomorrow last day..and starting at 3.30 mer..so can sleep until like 12??but normally i will automatically wake up at 9.00am..SAD..it became a habit already..SAD!!!!

ANYWAY..il be back in Seremban by this sunday....YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
I can sleep in my air con room..watch astro 24 hours..and eat without thinking how much it is..haha..and i can drive( i have not renew my license though..ngek ngek)..

PUTERIANS...my badge of course...REMEMBER our gathering yea
Venue: Kesington, Era Square
Time: 7.00pm
Date: 30/08/2008
Dress Code: Anything which is nice..keke..
Things to bring: Yourself and $$

Please sms and tell me if you can not make it..tell me if you can make it also..St Paul gang..Pls tell Michele..Inti Gang..Pls tell Eunice or Wendy..Others..just tell me yea..haha..Very long did not gather already..try and make it okay??? i miss you guys le..and i am quite out dated..so i need to UPDATE..

Tomorrow is my last day..

Tomorrow is my last day already..I dont know whether i should be happy or sad..haha..
Happy..Because i can finally have a good good rest and sleep forever..and eat properly..i can watch Astro..I can drive..
SAD..Because i can not see Max everyday already..i can not see Mg Mg, Susu, Jasmine, Sim, Cindy everyday..GOSH..il miss them..

Il miss Max's super stare..
Il miss being screwed by see saw..
Il miss all the drama in the restaurant..yea right..haha
Il miss the super busy nights..
Il miss eating my Iberico Spare ribs..
Il miss eating my mini potato..
Il miss eating my Pork Liver Pate
Il miss a lot a lot of things in the restaurant..Piggy maybe??haha

Il spend my time wisely tomorrow..haha..take a lot and a lot of pictures maybe??sorry la..who ask me to buy myself a camera wor..cost me my life wei..haha..

Today we asked Max for our appraisal form..so he asked us to go in to the room one by one for a 'private and confidential' session..SO he can evaluate us one by one..

What he said about me-------
' You are pretty, sweet and charming. You already have that package to catch the guest's attention. That is your strength. So you have to gain more experience and improve in your product knowledge.'

Honestly..im not trying to boast about myself..i get a quite a few compliments from guests these few days..saying that im sweet..hahahhaha..YEA right..ofcourse i have to smile to the guest right?? if not..show them my bitter gourd face ar??haha..but it is always happy to have some compliments from other people..but compliments from uncles are consider good or not ar??haha..anyway..thanks for all the compliments anyway..im HAPPY..keke

Laugh of the day

Today..we had a Menu training around 5.30pm..before the restaurant opens..So..what so special about today is that we are going to learn about sausages..HMMM..yum yum right..when Max explain to us..it was still normal..

Suddenly our head chef-Chef Selvan brought out this whole platter of sausages..

yes..this are all the sausages that we sell in our restaurant..Nothing wrong yet??haha..look at the shape and the color..haha..understand what i mean??So everyone was like laughing..haha..THEN..Monica starting to hold the sausage with her hand..this is how wrong it looks--------------

Everyone started to laugh and it just look so WRONG!!!!!!!! She can proudly say that it is still HARD....WHAT THE??? haha..

Our manager-MAX( grey shirt )was also laughing like nobody's business..haha..he was like 'monica...^^" ' This Stephan (brown and blushing guy) is like laughing the whole time..He just cant stop thinking of those 'things'..Both of them are FULL of those thinking..everything is just that 'thing'..haha..

Then the worst was when Monica ask us..
' how to eat a sausage'
' fork and knife???' I said.
'yes. you must eat with fork and knife. Never hold and eat it with your hands. Be more civilize'
'................................ what the??'

By the way..let me show you the cute guy who i bought the camera from..---------->

haha..cant really see..BUT..i did went back and find him..haha..He did not really talk to me already..damn sad..sobs..but i get to take his picture..haha..

a secret???

Well..today is not a good good day i guess..i dont know why..but im freaking tired of work..then i started to get like real real down..before i met this friend of mine..he told me that he is not really sure of his feelings towards her girlfriend...he said that he still likes someone who he had and still like before coupling up with this girlfriend of his..So..from what he said..i felt like this had happened to me before..and i told him this..

' if you really think that the feeling you have for your girlfriend is not real, better let her go. Yes, she will cry for months..but at least she will let it go anyhow. Let her have the chance to be love by someone who truly loves her. Why waste her time when she can use that time to find someone who really loves her?'

Someone told me this

'let him go so you can let yourself be love again. Be fair to yourself. Dont let him hurt you again and dont hurt yourself anymore.'

I know all that..i know..but when i talked to this friend of mine..i almost cried..BUT..i did not..why should i cry when it has been this long. anyway..dont worry friends..maybe i just felt lonely..haha..so dont worry

MY BABY!!!!

I FINALLY GOT MY CAMERA!!!!!!!

CANON IXUS 80..PINK!!!

yay!!! i finally got my camera...muakaka

im freaking happy and happy right now..haha

let my tell you guys HOW i bought this camera..

at first..i was planning to get a olympus FE320 you see..its cheap..i can get it for like RM640..

So i was thinking hard..

then catherine told me that they are having the camera promotions in Sg wang..

So lets go and check it out..

i was STILL looking for my FE320..

Went to the olympus booth..but it was so-so..did not really attracted me..

So Diny said lets check out the canon booth..

here we GO..

Then we met this guy..who intro us to this camera..

Ixus 80..

we ask him about the functions of the camera..

he started to explain everything from head to toe...

I WAS AMAZED 

by the camera..and him of course..

haha..he was cute you see..haha

Then we went and check out other shops and see whether can get it in a cheaper price or not..but catherine came..

SO..we went back to the same booth..and asked him to show catherine again..

there he goes..explaining to us again..

haha..then he actually wanted to take a picture of us..and develops it to show us the quality of the picture...

and hey..we got a free picture..haha..

After catherine left..me and diny went and look for other shops..

we actually found one shop who offered us RM840..

but..i went back to that guy..(his name is Sing,20)haha..

and asked him whether can give us RM850..then il get it straight from him..

but he said can not..he can only offer us RM880..

WITH

2GB memory card+ 1GB memory card

Leather Casing

Metal hanger or whatever you call it

Tripod

Explicit ( a website designing software..which i did not check yet..but should be quite cool..haha)

HEY..im Impressed!!!! and he is cute..so i bought it from him..haha..

YES..i bought the camera..my first ever camera..and its in PINK!!!!!

so behold people..il be freaking camwhoring the whole time with my baby...pink camera..

A little bit of update??

Im very very happy right now..
i met kar woon and Dolores..like finally..it has been so long since i see you guys..
i miss all of you terribly..
...sobs..i miss all of u..sobs...
i need a good good hug from all of you soon..haha

Anyway..both of them said that im freaking thin already..
haha..maybe i am..did not really notice it..
so i was eating all day long..
char kuey teow for my breakfast..
lunch+dinner...zanmai..
rootbeer as dessert..
and roti canai tambah telur as supper..
hoAA..im still full now..
dont worry friend..il eat normally..haha

Many people were like asking me whether anyone is after me or got target and stuffs..
the answer is 'NO'
though i hope there are people who are after me..
but sadly at this pretty moment..there were no one..
sad in one way..but still..life goes on..haha

anyway..im happy and content at the moment..
there is nothing wrong about being single..
though i miss being in a relationship..haha..but whats wrong..
when the time comes..it comes..

Anyway..he is treating me cold AGAIN..though this morning only i said that he was treating me normally..
whatever it is..screwd it..im not going to care about it anymore..
i should have bought that t-shirt which said

' it is your lucky day because i just happen to be single'

it was so cute..haha..anyway..gota go to bed now..its late already..so nights people..muakx

its my LAST off day ( part 2)

OKAY..talking about KL Hilton..
It was plain awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just LOVE KL HILTON!!!!!!!!
The room was great..
couple room as you may know..so the doors can not be lock..you can open the window and sneak into the bathroom..
a HUGE king size bed..
lots of pillows..so you can have a pillow fight i guess..haha..
MIRRORS all around the bathroom..
i LOVE mirrors..ngek ngek..its awesome..
conclusion..KL HILTON ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!
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I Did not really slept well though..
My Aunt and her friends are having some sort of a snoring concert at night..
WOAAAAA..its so loud and i can barely sleep..
FINE..
then He sms me at 3am..
'where are you? why are you not home yet?'
did not reply..because i dont want to

Then Alex sms me saying that he did not reply me because he slept earlier..
did not reply because i was sleeping

Michele sms me and asking me where am i..hope that i am safe and sound..so sweet of her
replied..and told her where i am a i and things..so she wont be worried

He sms me again at 9
'where are you? reply..dont make me worried'
did not reply again..because i dont want to..

yea..what a night..
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i was mad at him at some point..because on Friday night i realize that the house was empty..so i sms to his 018 number asking did he went back to seremban..
no reply
i sms AGAIN and told him that im scare to be alone..
no reply again..
then i got pissed..
you know i am scare of the dark and stuffs..but you dont even bother replying me..what the..

Then when i came home this afternoon..
he said he told me that he did not use his 018 number already..
SWEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^"

and yea..he is treating me normally now..as a friend of course..
i just hope that he will continue to treat me normally..
so i wont be feeling like i am being neglected and stuffs..

its my LAST off day ( part 1)

Oh GREAT!!! i can finally online at home. LIKE FINALLY..
OKAY..let me tell you guys how BAD was my life recently..
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1. I forgotten to bring my black pants to work..bought one new pants..RM79.00 from Romp
2. I lost my court shoes in the restaurant..wore the Nose shoes which lead me to multiple muscle cramp at night.
3. I almost got hit by a car
4. I almost got hit by a motorcycle
5. My computer has to be reformatted because i can not online
6. He is treating me hot and cold ALL the time
7. My computer is okay..but the internet at home is DOWN..
8. I almost lost my touch and go card which has more than 100 bucks in it
9. I FORGOTTEN my black pants AGAIN..bought ANOTHER NEW ONE..cost me RM89.90!!
..............................................................................................
How GREAT was my life..though i having a real bad day yesterday..but im still super hyper active in the restaurant..i was on sugar rush the WHOLE day..weird..haha..
Okay..about my pants..i HAVE to explain a bit..
First..i have to wash my pants because we were soak in water a day before and my pants was full of sand..so i left it in my laundry basket..
Then the next day...when i was walking nicely to work..i realize i forgotten my touch and go card..So..i have to walk ALL the way back to my house..
Fine..my aunty called me when i was in the KTM..saying that she is staying over at KL Hilton..so asking me whether i want to go..HEY..of course i want to go..its KL HILTON!!!
I was damn happy..then suddenly-------where is my black pants...
DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!FISH!!!!!! I FORGOTTEN MY PANTS AGAIN!!!
oh crap..i was really planning to go home at that point you know..
then i was thinking and thinking and thinking hard whether want to get a new pants or not..
but do i have a choice????????????
I went to Lot 10 and searching high and low for my black pants..
Oh my GOD!!! i did not realize it was damn hard for me to get a new pants..
No size..too loose..too long..too plain..
BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At last i bought a Cultivation black and shimmering pants which cost me a fortune..
im broke WEI...
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Monday in College

i still want to say im deeply sorry for miao..because what i did on tuesday night..i was really being inconsiderate, stupid..and also not thoughtful..it was totally my mistake for being so cruel and left you alone at night..therefore..i sincerely appologize to you cat..

'IM SORRY'

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Im in my college now..felt SOOOO strange because the people around me..i dont know anyone here??? i went and collect my money for the part time in edu fair..and guess what..they gave me a check..WHAT am i going to do with it??? can somebody come and tell me what am i suppose to do??? fine..then i went and collect my results..yea..the official paper..hmm..it is the same though..lowest is econs..totally expected it..i just suck in it..highest French..amazing..because i cant really remember anything except for 'comment allez vous'..anyway..screwd my results...

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HEY..i forgoten to mention about something that is really interesting..maybe for me only..

I GOT MY SECOND PIERCING!!!!

yay!!! on my ears people..not anywhere else..haha..yes..whch means i have two piercing on each ears..keke..nothing much to be proud of..BUT..it is something new for me k??

i used to be quite stubborn and saying that i dont want to get another piercing because it is so wrong..

But now..what so wrong..guess i have to thank cat and diny for forcing me to..muakaka..anyway..diny for her nose piercing again..and it bleeds when we took of the stud or whatever you call that..haha..

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ohya..i wanted to buy this camera like SOOOO badly..haha..its not really pinkish pink..it is pink..but slightly darker in colour..and it is in my budget..around RM900..

but my hands are kinda tight right now..DAMN..got damn alot to buy lo..shit...where to get my money..work?????????

im tired wei!!!! haiz...

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anyway..he sms me when i was in CC yesterday..asking where am i and am i okay???

it was around 1 something in the morning..and i havent go home..it makes me feeling worst than ever..i dont know whether should i be happy because he still cares..or am i suppose to just ignore him...

BAH..

im seriously confuse...

im just too soft hearted...

he was doing his laundry when i came home..why??because i dont want to help him anymore?? and he fell asleep i guess..not sure..because i dont even want to look at him at that point..so i bathed..and i was trying to watch my drama while waiting for my hair to dry..and i fell asleep on my comp..yea right..i was waiting for his laundry to finish washing..and i fell asleep while waiting..haha..

anyway..he was still asleep when it was done..i off the washing machine..put all his clothes in the basket.. and kick it into his room..KICK!!!

he is still sleeping..in a super uncomfy position..

so i put his pillow nicely for him..let him hug his pillow and bolster..and i off his light...

am i stupid to do that for him?? i was still hating him before that..

but i tug him into sleep???

what is wrong with me??

for me..he is not some nobody..though i hate him for treating me like shit sometimes..

but..i will still do it for him..

even though we are not longer couples...

Not because i can not let it go...

Because it is in my nature to do so...

haha..i will do so if you willingly to let me to do so..so anyone wants me to tug you into sleep???

JOKING only...

i know sometimes i just dont use my brains and think..keke

The L word

i miss falling in love

i miss holding hands for the first time

i miss being hugged

i miss being kissed on the forehead

i miss being care by someone special

i miss the never ending good night messages

i miss thinking about somebody all the time

i miss holding hands while watching movie in the cinema

i miss everything in 'LOVE'

i miss being loved by someone

Loved by someone who is truly sincere to you

Loved by someone who will appreciate you

Loved by someone who knows that 'she is the one'

Loved by someone who understands you

Loved by someone who will not let you go so easily

Loved by someone who truly LOVES you

Maybe i am desperate

Maybe i am lonely

Maybe i still haven't truly let go

Maybe i am just lying to myself

Maybe i am this and that

To be honest..

I just want someone to prove to me that love is still out there

stressing over work

Anyway..work is just SUCKS now..damn alot of politics here and there..Fakers by fakers..back stabbing here and there..it is like World War 3 wei..SAD..three of us are like the victims you know..gosh..freaking pissed of with alot of people in the restaurant..first of all..the supervisor..DAMN fake..she screwd me today..PLS..you were mumbling to yourself..i CANT hear the table number..thats why i wanted to double confirm..and thanks to you Shawna..saying that i am day dreaming in front of me..damn freaking pissed off with these two people in the restaurant..

you guys want to create politics..go ahead and create with yourself..want to complain about us..look at yourself first before you say anything...we are doing everything that we could..and you just stand there and 'supervise' us kononya..and you COMPLAINED to our manager...WAH..how smart is that...you want to talk bad about us..do it infront of us..you dont have to tell every single HUMAN in the restaurant about US???? ISH..damn pissed off..we are basically counting down every single day until the end of our training...cnt wait to end it..though i will miss a few people in the restaurant..but i just cant stand it anymore..

Max said that we are too innocent..we need to deal with it on ourself..ofcourse i know..Somebody was telling me the same thing over and over again...but if it was so easy..i would not take it so hard until i cried when we were talking to him...it takes time to be mature..especially me..sometimes..my mind just works like a small kid..

Today one guy dont believe that we are more than 18 years old..and he wanted to check our IC before letting us in...haha..it was quite memalukan because i dont look like im 19..haha..yesterday..there were one table of customers who claimed that they thought that i was underage..16 years old war....hahahaha..Please..i am 19 years old already!!! not a small child people..its only my mind who is still a small kid..ahhahhaah...im glad that i look young actually..haha..

i got SOOOOo much to tell but just dont know where to start..hmm..i guess il slowly update every single thing after my training..when im back in seremban..now..my mind jsut cant work..haha..

screwd it

Sorry people for not updating for quite some time. I got lots and lots to write about but i just could not find a better time to go all the way to CC and online..but here i am..sitting alone in CC at 12.30 AM..sounds pathetic..but im fine..though i CRIED again..mind that..

The reason why i cried is because i was chatting with Jason Tan..yes..Jason Tan..haha..not really close but we just talk..and he told me that he had talked to Brendan once..i knew i was going to cry at that point..nothing to be shame of..because im used to crying because of him already..YEA..why i cried..i wont say it here..anyway..this is what Brendan is..soooo...screwd it..

The reason why im holding on SOOOO hard and not lettting myself really getting over it is because in my heart..i still believe what he said..that im not some nobody..but a special special friend to him..and he will still care for me..heh..i guess he told every single girl he met the same thing..whatever..i still believe in that..but how he is treating me now is really over the board..i am NOT a sandbag..a person that you can just ditch whenever you want..can scold whenever you like..who am i to you to deserve all these??? you are just not treating me the right WAY!!!!!!!! All those things that you had told me before..are like lies to me now..the trust of me to you..is just fading away...why am i still mourning for you?? why am i still letting myself being affect by you..screwd it.just screwd it..and i wnt care about you anymore...

GOSH..i really should let myself over these shits now..DAMN..anyway..screwd it..

Its tuesday

I thought that we were okay and fine already..but today..once again..he was being super cold towards me..i have no idea why..and his PM in MSN is saying that there are hypocrites around him..it might just be referring to me..i have no idea why he would have thought of that..i was just being concern about him..he being emo..but if this is what i get..i guess il just have to back out...


TODAY..i did something really bad..miao..sorry sorry er..i really should not have left you there and let you go back to the restaurant all by yourself..i DAMN regret lo after that..i was soooooo worried..worried that you cnt get your brother..i called stephan like twice..he did not pick up..fine..i called max..he said you left..then i called the restaurant to get jackie's number..SHIT..that number dont exist..what the hell..SORRY for bring selfish girl..i know i should have followed you..i DAMN REGRET for what i had done..forgive me shall you???

in some point..i realize that im quite selfish at times..i only know how to think for myself..but not for others..i want people to care about me..so what if i break up??? its nothing..it is just part of my life..a path that i should go through..i should not have made everyone worried about me...just because i broke up..it is just so dumb..realizing that i took so damn long to realize that..

so NOW!!!! i would even think of getting back together again..screwd it..it will never happen anymore..though i really want us to be friends again..but if this is what i get from him..screwd it..im not a faker okay??? just that i care too much about you..and you dont really give a damn..so why should i care anymore..

Monday

First of all..i would like to dedicate all my love to people who supported me..thanks ya..and i love you guys...muakxx

Talking about today..it was the worst day and the best day..

Lets talk about the worst part..

as i were in the KTM going to work..i realize i forgoten to bring my black pants..my apron and my water bottle..OH MY GOD..how can i forget my pants..what am i going to wear when im working people!!!!

So i went all the way to Lot 10 and get a Romp's jean's skinny black pants..Atleast i can wear it to college and out you see..okay..settle..and i still manage to eat my breakfast..

Then when i was changing my uniform..FISH!!!! i forgoten my black socks..OH MY GOD..can you imagine me wearing a skinny black pants..and cock shoes without a balck socks..i look damn 'hot' wei..haha..Fine..i became the cashier..

Here comes the good part..there were only 8 pax in the restaurant..and im damn freaking free..haha..so we did enjoy myself..for being so free...

Then during my break..i bought a handphone line or whatever you call it..it has alot of pink love on it..and yes people..im obsess with love shape and pink now..sooo...please forgive me..muakaka..

Finally the best of my day...

i was the hostess of the day..and i totally can take charge of it..and im freaking happy about it..sooo...here goes the phone calls..bringing the guest to their table and things..haha..SOO..when it was almost 9.30..came a whole group of people..PEOPLE..they are like super models...DAMN tall and PRETTY...DAMN HANDSOME wei..gosh..i was like stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway...i was damn happy that i actually can see real models..GOSH..i damn jealous..how can they be so freaking tall and pretty..haha.

okay..

il update again the nest day yea..

me and me

oh my god..woke up with a damn bad headache..swollen eyes..wish i dont have to go and work..atleast i dont have to face the world yet..Diny sure ask why is my eyes so swollen..and talk to her..

Suddenly i realize that my life is like so freaking dramatic..everything has to be hyperbola..beyond the expectation..sometimes i just want everything to be simple and nice..no dramas..or maybe im the one who is creating all this drama and stuffs..haha..anyway..im a drama queen..

Well..im going to work later..soon..with sun glasses..to cover my swollen eyes..maybe a cap to make myself invisible..ermmm..a bit too much eh..haha..but this is me..zhi lin..finding ways to get back..finding ways to be herself again..

A message to him

For Brendan::

i know that you wont read my blog..and i wont even know whether you did or not..i really dont know..but if you see this post of mine..yes..it is dedicated to you..

i know that it is not anyone's fault..but what i really want from you..is just a simple simple thing..for you to treat me like how you treated your friend..but why you have to treat me like your enemy??Maybe worst than your enemies...

i know that im hard to tolerate with..yes..i know that..but you knew me for so long..i thought you would have understand me..maybe im the one who really still cant catch you until this very moment..

what i want from you..is just simple..i dont want it to end it in this way for both of us..hating each other..this is the worst that i could aspect..

until this moment..i feel like im really pathetic..because i still love you..which makes me triple pathetic.after what you said to me..after what you did to me..i still do..

but...

congratulations..you manage to get myself over you..and move on with my life..

il let you out of my heart now...

il let you go now...

but i dont want to hate you..

Because i know i cant hate you

i hope that one day..we can still sit down and talk..

one day..

definitely not now..

im sorry...

From zhi lin

Well..if anyone saw this post..please tell him that i wrote this for him..

People..please dont leave a bad impression about him..he is a great friend..a great guy..but just not the right one for me...

This is not some acting or whatever..

this is from deep down of my heart..

...

Yea..guess it is the best way to end it..

like a stabbing a sword into my heart..

and cut it into million and billion slices..

i felt numb now..

i let myself cried for him again..

i still let myself being torture by him emotionally..

Though i said i will hate him

but deep down in my heart..

i know that i cant..

i just cant hate him..

because i used to love him so much..

i will still defend him some how in some way..

im a jerk..

a self torturing idiot..

im not a so good looking girl

i know i have difficulities in controlling my feelings now

i know that im not that funny after all

i know that im damn freaking blur and stupid

i praised myself at times just for the sake of making myself feeling better

i like to make myself emo

i have alot of flaws people

and im not afraid to tell the whole world about it

Because i am who i am

i just need somebody

Somebody who can understands me

to tolerate with all my flaws

who can be there when i need you

to be there to hug me when i cry

to understand why i cry

that is what i needed in a bf

not somebody who break every single thing that i mention

and hurt me million and billion times

il stand up by myself again this time

and there will be a day when i can really smile from my heart again..

The really end of the end

You know what is heart broke into million and billion pieces???

Yea..my heart just did..

broke into million and billion pieces..

The reason why..because of him again..

Recently i was really tired and stressed..i seriously dont understand how my heart felts and how it works...i can be happy go lucky..and i can be super duper emo in a snap..or in a click...thats why im frusfrated today..because i was being emo suddenly..and i dont understand why...there is no reason..no logical reason that i can think of...but i did..i was damn frusfrated..so i need to talk..especially to him..because he 'suppose' to know me the best..he 'suppose' to understand me the most..

i was sitting there..at the corner of his room..waiting for him to come over and talk to me..i was crying already..because i was EMO..but he did not..he just went on and did his stuffs..like totally ignore that im there...so i called him over..saying that i need to talk..that i want to talk..but he just said i dont want to talk to you..i said i just need to talk because im really not feeling that good now..he said i have to learn how to deal with it alone...He was saying it as though i was just some stupid old stranger from the road side..i got SOOO frusfrated and i buzz off the room..sobbing..and Michele came over and comfort me..listening to me..i was feeling way better..WAY better..and i can even forgive him for saying that to me..So i acted like there is nothing and went to his room..wanted to take something..

BUT..he said 'GET OUT OF THE ROOM' like really angry...

i was sooo pissed off and asked him why are you mad at me..he said im dumb and stupid..he even asked me to fish off..im like..what the hell..i just want you to treat me like your friend..your normal friend..i just want you to treat me like what you suppose to treat me..but he said..'too bad..that is just me'...i dont want to hate him..i really dont want to hate him..all this while..il always there to defend him..to say that he is still good inside..you guys should know it the best..am i not defending him all this while??????????

He said im just being stupid again..and he dont want to continue this conversation..

All this while..im the one who defended him..who wants to change the perspection of the people towards him..to believe that he will be there for me and care about me..though we are not couples..to show him what is 'love' about..because he told me that all this while in his past relationship..it was always the girl who dumps him..i just want him to feel that there is still love in this world..

I felt like im cheated..i felt like the whole one year that we were together was a huge mistake..that i should listen to the whole world instead of listening to my heart..trust that im really special to him..as a friend..or something more than a friend..

i felt like my whole world was crushed down..my whole belief of love is destroyed..broke into million and billion believes..and i cant even trust him anymore..i cant even look at him..i cant even talk to him..and im hating him right now..for destroying me..destroying us..for destroying every single thing that we had..

i was crying in his room..then he ask me not to be a hypocrite..you guys tell me...is this what you should say to your ex..somebody that was really very close to you before..is it even appropriate...

i swear to myself that i wnt step into his room anymore..i threw his room keys back to him...

and i went to my room..sobbing..talking to michele again..

i even told michele..this is just between me and him..there is nothing to do with you..you guys are still friends..dont let it affects both of you..

until the end..

though i hated him..

but i still defended him..

stupid

I still believe in love..yes i do..but honestly..my heart is hurt damn badly this time..and i dont even know where is my heart now..i dont even know whether it exist or not..life without love..im fine..life still goes on..and im learning slowly to let go..but somehow..my heart is still at hanging there..im too use to being with him..im just too use to it..and when it is time to let go..i dont know how to..

im trying to let it go slowly..slowly..slowly letting my feelings to fade away..

and yes...thanks to him..i can do that..

treating me like im just some strangers from no where

i still can sacrifice for you..

but for you..

even a small little thing also you cant do it for me..

am i even your friend??

i know i shouldnt be complaining...

who am i to complain..

who am i???

who am i to you??

i just felt dumb..and dumb..

Freaking emo post

im fishing stress out and fishing want to die now..DAMN IT..screwd the whloe damn world!!!!!!!!

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHhh!!!!!!!!

yes..im stress out because of work..i fishing hate people for putting blame on me when it is fishing not my fault..i hated all that stupid politics in the restaurant..until i feel like i dont want to talk to those people anymore.......

im stress because what Max told us..saying that we did not reach his expectation..

HELLO!!!!!!!!

in your people's eyes..we are just a trainee okay!!!!!!!! you guys dont really trust us..everything that we do..somehow it is just wrong..what the hell..even it is not our fishing mistake..the blame is on us..im fishing pissed off with those back stabber idiots...you want to talk..go ahead and talk about yourself..dont fishing talk in your own language behind our back..you think we are idiots ar...

no matter what we do..there is a limit...are we like given a chance to shine??..yes..i would love to take charge of that table myself..so just fish off and let me handle..but you guys cnt let us do that..even if we take order..you will doubt us..even if we are right..so what the hell???

i know working is like that..especially in this line..politics..stress..all those shitty things that you get from fussy guests..but seriously for these few days..i already reached my limit...im fishing stressed out..im emo..and im emo..yes..im just stupid to be emo..but then..too many things happened to me in one shot..stupid lame fight with my ex housemate, fights with him, grandma passed away, break up...and now fishing stressed out because of work..im just tired..mentally tired..my mind is just going crazy right now..i cant think properly..and rationally..

sometimes..i just need somebody to be there to calm me down.when im emo and stressed out..i just need someone..anyone..brendan is busy with orientation..and i know he will just scold me for being dumb..and we are not couples anymore..i know that..i wanted to sms my ex..but i just back off..i know that i should not make him worried about me anymore..then whoelse i can call?? i wanted to ask my housemate..but he is at the orientation as well..then i sms ray..and yea..luckily he is free..if not..il just emo until i die..

im currently alone at CC now..because my damn good computer can not online..and i really wanted to blog..ISH..i just need somebody..someone to care about me..

im just fishing emo and i dont care about what people felt about me now..i want him to care about me..think about me..but it just wont happen anymore..im fishing emo and like really really emo until i want to dissapear from the world now..but i know somehow..he just wont care..so i did not tell him that i am..

i just want somebody to comfort me now..to be there to hug me and say that everything is alright..to be concern where i am now in the middle of the night and not going home..but..

i know that there is no one that can do that for me now...