The lublub fella

Whee~~~~ Its my off day!!! waited for the whole week just for this day....its time to rest rest rest! =) 

Took my cough medicine and slept like a baby yesterday...great sleep great sleep as I can barely remember what I dream...oh why cough medicine..thanks to the excessive smokers in the restaurant and me have to suffer, it leads to me coughing nonstop...thanks smokers..you guys sucks! 

I think I should talk about Thomas Cup since its going on right now...Do you know..the last time Malaysia held Thomas Cup was in 1992? 

Its like ages and ages ago..I was only 4 years old at that time....I can hardly remember anything..what Max told me was when Malaysia held the cup, the next day was declare as holiday..wheee~~~ so why Malaysia did not win the cup until today? well..only the experts can tell...I think what the paper said is true also..Malaysia team is a one man show..

Thomas Cup fever...normally during friday, the restaurant will be super busy and pack with people..but not surprisingly, this week it was very quiet..

Boss: Why today reservation so little?

Max: Because today its the semi finals for Thomas Cup. Malaysia vs China

Boss: No wonder.So when is the finals?

Max: This Sunday. 

Boss : So should I wish the best for Malaysia to win or lose?

Max: .........

Very true. Right after Malaysia lost, the crowd started to come...We were very excited about the game as I text my bro to sms me the match results...B asked his mum..and my asst Manager even asked his bro to text him the result..but to our disappointment...we lost!! =( straight lost...Well...Malaysia should really put more effort into training more young people to play in this field before we are really out of the game...

Enough of Thomas Cup..hey..I had been working for three weeks now...time passed very fast yea..The only thing that I remember was what I did during my off days...must really really appreciate the time we had on our off day....rest as much as you want and savor the free moment of doing nothing...=)

Our body clock had been changed dramatically...we sleep around 4 ish in the morning..wake up around 12am ( for me :p ) eat brunch at 3pm...go work at 4pm...finish work at 12am IF only we are lucky...then eat dinner at 2am! 

APA JADI!!!!

Work...work work....what to do? want to earn money to get the things that we want..so we have to sacrifice our time, eye bags...and strenght...ish...

I want time to pass faster now~~~~ only now until we finish working..then after that..you can slow down I don't mind...=)

The weather is bitching again!!! damn it..and what's better than this....

Its My virgin Mojito!! and guarantee refreshing!! :p

and guess how I shake it???

Spagetti sauce jar...=) and its damn nice to shake lo...can challenge the cocktail shaker..maybe I should suggest Taylors to use this instead of the cocktail shaker that can not open after you shake yea?

Anyway..I got a little surprise from my baby today!!! whee~~~ but surprise fail to surprise fully!!! muahaha...he thought I will be in the room..but mana tau aunty asked me to help her to make dumpling..so I was in the dining room...and when B came back from church..I can see him holding a bag of something already..suspicious yea!! :p but I never say anything..thought it was some dirty clothes or so...Then after that..he told me he has a surprise for me!! whee~~~~~~

(shhh~~~ I like surprises....because it makes me shy!!! :p ) 

and I knew it!!! its the love love fella!!!

The lublub fella

Once I saw it..I am calling 'the lublub fella'...and we shall name it 'the lublub fella'....=) cute isn't it???? ands he got a pink heart..... =)

Uncle saw her..and asked...what is that??? ( paiseh paiseh.... :p )

Such an emo picture of lublub fella... but I like!!!

I GOT LUBLUB FELLA TO HUG AND TIDUR!!!! <3 

p/s of course...my b also must hug...muakxxx

THANK YOU DARLING FOR THE LUBLUB FELLA!!!!

 me love you...muakxxx

and oh...B finally started to gel his hair for work... :p

 cute yea?? :p

Drunkards

Is it nice to get drunk every single night?

Is it nice to get girls drunk every night? 

How will your wife or girlfriend feel? or if you have one? ( sarcastically )

Drinking and smoking every night will last you for how long? or should I say, how long can you live? ( sarcastically )

Changing girls every single meal means you are highly respected?

Are those girls dumb? or they are too smart?

Provoking me to drink will not go anywhere because I don't want means I don't want

One thing..when you are stand on your ground, no one will force you to do anything that you don't like..I don't want to drink means I DON'T WANT...as simple as that... but some people, don't know how to keep their feet to the ground...know the customers are like this..so avoid them as much as you can and don't keep going in and show your presence..me no choice because that is my station..and though I was asked so many times, did I touch any single drop or alcohol? tell me about it...

I don't know about how others felt..but I certainly do know about how I felt...firstly..know my station still got customers, then don't sent everyone away...sent two home fine...sent another to fill up other station's cutlery fine..left me alone in the restaurant to clear tables, set tables and still serve the customers at the same time with only me doing all the dirty jobs? with you just walking around and checking...oh great..maybe I shouldn't complain much...then when I clear the plates in the stewarding area...at least 5 staffs are drinking soup and chilling inside including you..and you can tell me. 

' oh..you are bringing soup to the customer? then you take first...Il go after you '

WTH...my luck my luck..blame myself...urghhhh.....

Then when I am finally free and wanting to drink soup...oh great..they clear it all... >.< 

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When I just started to work...I was thinking..I feel like eating fries and nugget from Mcd after work because I am hungry...then as I work and my anger started to built because of some particular person...I WANT TO EAT MEGA MAC... :p

Yeap..this is mega mac...

Size does matter...lebih besar lebih bagus...

arrrrr....four beef paties with loads of lettuce...( but I felt like this was how big mac looks when it just came out...>.< ) what to do..

I was horribly hungry after I finish work...and coughing nonstop because of people who smokes constantly...ishhhh....so we got ourselves a mega max...happy happy after that...=)

and when we got home...there are tonnes of food as well...>.<

Tosai Masala with chicken, tom yum soup

and oh...did I mention it was 1 something in the morning when I took my dinner??

thats life people...working life...

Weakness

No matter how tough a girl is...there will be a breaking point for her....

Sometimes I hate memories..especially those bad ones....

'Pretending that I am okay and tough..but once you step out of the door...tears started to roll down my cheeks...


Because I know, you will never come back...'

Hated this..because this is the worst feeling that I had....whether it is somewhat similar or neither...

It is true that some things will never change...and its neither wrong or correct...

You just have to convince yourself.. persuade yourself that it is okay..

But the process of convincing yourself can be harsh and tough....tears will start roll down unconsciously..

Maybe it is insecurities...or maybe it is just us as a human being...

What I need is time and trust...

Tolerance is another key that you hold...

I am like a child who needs constant attention and love when I am down...

Caress me...huge me and love me....then I will sleep like a child..

Because I know you are there....

For me..

This is my another weakness...

First one,my worst enemy...and this....

Bear with me...for you who hold the key to unlock my heart..

The only one who can....

Happy Belated Mother's Day

Sorry for the late post..I know Mother's Day was yesterday..and I was pretty much busy and enjoying my off day...so here I am..going to work in 3 hours time and blogging..=)

We were working on Saturday which is Mother's Day Eve..as expected..it was full house and customers were roaming in...nah...won't be talking about my work..its boring...:p

Its Mother's Day eve....and I wished so many customer's Happy Mother's Day and it drew a huge smile on their face...then I was thinking..I did not even wish my own mum yet..checked my phone..my dad text me and telling me its Mother's Day and I should call my mum...It was almost 1am at that time...no point calling as they are early sleepers...So I did called the next day...

' Ma..Happy Mother's Day..'

'Why are you calling at this hour..we are busy cleaning the house...why you always text me so late at night...So bising...and your guinea pig ar....very dirty ar..have to change water every hour and bedding every day....no food or water already then start squeaking...'

'.........'  =)

Of course our conversation was not that short...I did reply here and there..but the point is...we are not mother and daughter who needs to talk to each other everyday..and I know...she won't ask me about my personal stuffs other than my results..@@...sooo...this is me and my mum....=) we are not those huge huge kiss kiss type and always saying 'I love you'....we are just...like this..haha..

Anyways....since I am in KL and Aaron's mum had been taking care of me for quite sometime..so its time to show her some appreciation on this very special day....We had decided to cooked her a meal and we bought her a card....

Mother's Day Dinner Menu

A bowl of very hearty and healthy Creamy Pumpkin Soup

( its filled with pumpkin, celery, onions and carrot...super healthy and nutritious..and its easy to prepare too..)

Thai Papaya Salad

( Something very new to me and I never prepared this before...but its loaded with flavors of papaya, bunga kantan lemon grass and coriander leaves..saltiness from dried shrimps and crunchiness from roasted walnut..love this to bits )

Pan fried Dorry fish

Saute Broccoli and carrot

and this is how the main course looks like...the lemon sauce is slurrppp~~

and this.. Guinness Stout cake

( First time for both of us and the result was superb! =) you can still taste the flavors of Guinness and the sweetness of the raisins... )

Guinness Stout Cake with Apple Ice Cream 

Everything was delicious and very healthy at the same time....slurrrppp...recipes from the net can be very good at times..=)

Oh...See me in glasses..=)

Its web camming time... :p

Have a great day people...loves

Woman

Do you know this kind of woman who loves to go to those Dato and Tan Seri gathering ( of course not so young..sorry for the disrespect ), then know she is getting free food and alcohol, know the table is already FULL with unfinished food...but still insist she wants to order another huge portion of food just because she wants to throw a plate? or smokes like some cinapek constantly...insist on getting a bottle of wine although she is the only one drinking and in the end...she can not even finish one glass of red wine?? this kind of woman..je deteste! ( I hate ) 

Probably sticking to those high ranking people will get you more business...or maybe she thinks that getting free meal and free alcohol is worth her time? I don't know..but sometimes I wonder...where is your dignity? where is your self esteem? maybe this is how it works in her job..to sit down and drink plus smoke with her customer...but..I think..the guys are up to something else..not only her business...they drink every single week...they were here on Wednesday with another lady company, and here again yesterday with her...shoot down two and a half bottle of brandy and can not even walk straight after...complaining they were so drunk yesterday and yet..still continue drinking...

I wonder..what is so fun about drinking until so drunk every single night? I ever ter-glance one guy texting his whoever...probably his gf is complaining about him getting drunk every night and he did not spend time with her...and he was trying to save the relationship by texting..and yet in reality..he is shooting down glasses or brandy with those high rank people...what???? 

They smoke like nobody's business...fine...but they go back late! thats a huge problem with me..I want to go back...and yet they still order another bottle of brandy..damn~~

Fine..me shall stop here...=)

okay..here's a question for you guys...If you wear a color contacts? it should enhance your eyes right?

but see mine....

On my right...I am wearing my olive green contacts...and on my left..I am not wearing anything...

somehow I realize...my left eye looks bigger than my right eye...right? it looks like I am wearing those contacts that can make your eyes darker and bigger....CKW!!! tell me why!!!

If don't wear color contacts will make my eyes bigger..then why should I spend more on color contacts? @@

Seriously..I want to do the laser eye surgery once I start working...wearing a specs and contact lenses can be so troublesome..I want to wake up in the morning in clear sight..not blurring around and knocking myself on everything before I reach my specs...

I have a sudden craving for grapes when working the other day...then I had a great idea of eating frozen grapes..so left a few in the freezer and voila...

frozen grapes..its slurrrrpilicious...=)...

off day in two more days..wheee~~~ can not wait...

Rambling

Firstly...I want to say that I am bored...=( 

I don't know what to do in front of the computer..everyone that I suppose to stalk I already did..I even stalk myself out of boredom...kill me please....maybe I should read back my older post to see how lame was I huh? arrr...I am out of my words....

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Since I am bored..I shall post about a place we went for dinner yea...Heard about FOOD FOUNDRY? well..not me..haha..I heard of it when B mentioned to me they have crepe cake there..and I want crepe cake!!! Since its our long waited off day, so off we go and have a try...

It was super hidden and out of no where...we thought it was a restaurant on its own...but the fact is..its located deep in some flats near Jaya One...

There...see!!

It's like those chinese stall and mamak stalls under Mentari...but who knows..they may serve good food...But first...locate my crepe cake dulu..=)

There you go...the crepe cake is hidden there...whee~~

But look at the back of the house at the back....really looks like those mamak yea..it even reminded me of school canteen to be frank...

Get what I mean?? They even have projectors showing movies..@@

First comes first....food food food...we are hungry people...and look at the menu!!

Wooden paper board with a clip to hold all the papers...classic non??

Since newspapers and magazines had done numerous reviews on this restaurant...we shall try the food and see whether it is really worth our money..oh...the price is not mamak price yea...the cakes are super expensive..one chocolate cake can cost you RM12!! gg....then pasta will cost you around RM15++ also...soo..its ain't no cheap people...

We ordered Smoke Salmon Pasta and Foundry Chicken Chop...

Smoked Salmon Pasta...

The pasta is al dente and the cream sauce is just nice..not too 'zai' and the smoke salmon played an important role in this dish...tasty indeed...not disappointing..

Foundry Chicken Chop

The chicken is well cooked and it is not too dry but juicy...the side dishes are normal but well seasoned...not too bad eh...=)

and finalement!!

Mille Crepe Cake..

its descent and nice...but I still prefer the ones in Melaka...this one I ate a few bites and I feel 'zai' already..but the melaka ones..I can't wait for more...probably because that time it was my first time trying crepe cake...=)

Us...oh...my fringe had grown so long...time to chop chop...

well..honestly this place gave us must surprise because of its location and interior...I guess if they change to another location and emphasize more in their interior...the dining experience would be better and the guest wouldn't feel like the food is not worth its price...The menu...ohhh....maybe they should use a better material to print their menu...I actually like the wooden board idea because its so old school...but...torn and folded papers are not that presentable....The food is nice though..=)

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Three months of holidays...two months will be spend in working...because we want to get a new phone and for our vacation...money would not drop down from the sky huh?? and oh believe me..I had not asked money from my parents for a long long time...also because I have PTPTN.... :p 

Working hard to get what you want is not as easy as you think it is...During the super busy Saturday last week because of Labours Day, I slipped and fell on the stairs when the whole restaurant is looking..try and get back on my feet so I would not look so terrible in front of everyone...the fact is I knocked my back head...and I felt giddy...everything went slow motion after that to avoid further accidents...

So money is not that easy to earn really...and I am sure the after feeling of spending the money you had earned yourself would be GREAT!!...

I want to do tonnes of things..there are hundreds of things I want to do in my mind before I start working next year...would not want to waste any more time because I only have one more year of studying...=( oh gosh..people who are still in Uni or so..please please enjoy while you can alright...working is no fun at all...

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Warning :: Below are just rambling of mine so please do not proceed if you do not wish to read...=) warning given...

Time passed damn fast yea...I really think that we are growing up too fast and there seems to be no full stop for us to take a breath and just enjoy our youth...I think very soon 'youth' can not be used on me anymore...and people will start calling me aunty...how sad is that? >.< 

Now whenever I go to the shopping mall and see secondary school kids dating..in my mind il be thinking...small kids...haha...belum grow bulu sudah pak toh....( and oh dol...me is not talking about you....you are way mature than us even at that time... :p ) see!! I already have that mind set that people are becoming younger and I am becoming older...aiseh...life wei life...very soon everyone of us will be going to work...very soon we will talk about how sucky is our work instead of assignments and exams....

then very soon we will talking about who is getting married and who is having babies...ohhhhh...can time just stop right here... ( or before I go work :p ) so I can enjoy my youth??? I still want to wear mini skirts and floppy when I go out....I still want to hold a teddy bear without people giving me that weird face....

As much as I want the time to stop...it won't...so...live life to the fullest....

What happen to my dream long time ago of going overseas and study? reality had taken a toll....washed away and forgotten...jealous much? sometimes yes..but I shall go and travel once I start earning my own money...

Done rambling... :p

Time to get ready to work...>.< noooooo~~~~~

Ipoh's delicacies

okay...since its my day off..will continue with my food journey posts...

IPOH


Not my first time in Ipoh and will not be my last..because the food there is...slurrrpppp..=) not crap but straight to the food...

What is a MUST MUST eat in ipoh...'nga choi gai' which means Bean Sprout Chicken...and 'sha hor fun' meaning kuey teow...

they all say its because of the water in Ipoh so the taugehs are so juicy and fat and the chicken is so tender...well..personally I do not really know what's the real reason behind it but I shall take it as the water that influence the food....

Look at the taugeh...short and fat...just the way it suppose to be..slurrrppp

Tender and tasty Chicken

Pork balls...I got to say..this is pretty tasty..

A bowl of a very simple and honest sha hor fun

A very good bowl of shar hor fun with a plate of fat and juicy bean sprout and a plate of juicy and tender chicken can make everyone smiling all the way while eating..simple because it is just so good..but just hope that it would not be too commercialize like how it is in Melaka..

Next stop...let's have some dessert shall we?

Yeap..everyone knows this...ABC...

but can you see how tall it is and how much of things they put in it? slurrrppp...it irresistible..

If ABC is not your cup of tea..what about a bowl of Lin Chee Kang??

ohhhhhh~~~ I want to drink this now..the weather is horrible...=(

Since our trip..we are addicted to lin chee kang..its so refreshing and we both love the snow fungus and everything inside..slurrrppp...

And the best ice dessert goes to -------

 THIS!!!! slurppp...there's mango, watermelon balls, honeydew balls, dragon fruit balls, peanuts, selasih, can fruits and topped up with corn ice cream....its freaking refreshing....=)

 a closer look...=)

So when you wake up in the morning, what would you like for your breakfast? 

what about pork satay for breakfast?? haha

well...I am pretty serious about pork satay in the morning...we went to this old kopitiam in Ipoh..so once you are seated..the satay guy will place the peanut sauce and cucumber with onions on your table..and will place a plate of satays on the table...there's chicken satay, pork satay and pork intestine satay..so if you want to eat, you just take whichever you want and you will only pay for what you eat...interesting no?? I have to say..pork satay is definitely different from what we normally eat...tasty!!!

Pork satay with beef noodle for breakfast.... satisfying!!! 

Talking about breakfast..another goodness that you must must eat....

 Butter Kaya Toast...

with

Chinese Cream Caramel aka Dun Dan

I know I posted this before last time..but will never get bored of this..ultra crispy and thin toasted bread with butter and kaya that melts in your mouth....whooo~~~ and the super soft cream caramel with just the right amount of caramel...this...is a super breakfast... actually we ate this for afternoon tea... :p

What about seafood??

Balitong!! or what we normally call is -- juk juk... =)

The thing that is nice about Balitong is that its very fun to eat...its nice to suck suck suck and get the inti from inside...of course the way you cook it also important...make it spicy people spicy....its always fun to eat these..

These...are something new to me...I am not sure what is it call..we normally find these at the beach and it did not cross my mind that we can eat these until I went Ipoh...anyway..the way they cook these are simple..just blanch it in water..and voila..dip it into the chili sauce and you have a delicacy...=) it is a very simple dish actually..and yet...so nice...

Sotong and Kangkung

I got to say...the soul of this dish must be the sauce they use...it must blend well with sotong and kangkung with a hint of peanuts on top...it must not be too spicy but just nice...hmm...this is probably the best I had tasted so far...love it...

Our finally destination in Ipoh and also the highlight of our trip which I had been craving for super long...

'Liu Fun'

Well..it is not something that everyone is not familiar with...its actually Yong Tau Foo...They have it in Kuantan as well...it works like this...you order what noodle you want..how you like it to be cooked...then choose the ingredients that you want...for example..stuffed brinjal, stuffed bittergourd, fish balls etc...but this one...is the best that I had tasted so far....I don't know why is it so nice...but its just satisfying...=)

Mee Hoon Curry

The fried stuffs... Fu Chok is a must must must order here because when its hot..its crispy and simply delicious...=) and oh..the 'sa gok' thing is not bad either..

The normal things that you must eat...slurrrpppp....

So do you know why people likes to go to Ipoh to find for good food?? this is why..because its heaven for FOOD.....=)

Howdy!!

Howdy!!! =) sorry...it was a after effect of over farmville-ing...Working actually killed my mood to blog, so sorry for the lack of updating these few days..nothing much to say because nothing much had happened..except the fact the eating Lin Chee Kang and muching Grilled Chicken Wing can be SoOOO satisfying after work..just a simple thing that makes your working life a little bit more alive...=)

Anyway..I realize I am that type of girl when it comes to work...Please don't come and interfere with whatever that I am doing because I will get real pissed..really...don't come interfere with my station or anything that I am doing because I know what I am doing the best..maybe your style differ with my style..but hey...just because you want to find trouble with me..doesn't mean that I must take whatever it is...so..I suggest you to back off because I ain't going to care about you..oh yes..and here goes the history repeating again...everyone knows about your temper..so what? You stress your own problem...you don't have to release it on others...elder but more childish.. =)

wau..its good to release eh?? yeap..I can be a evil bit*h if someone steps on my tail..soo...don't...

I don't know why I suddenly thought of writing about this...saw some people commenting about it in FB..saw some couples flying here and there...and I won't say I am an expert..but two months of it in the past thought me a lesson..I don't trust in long distance relationship...and of course I want to see other people to work it out..I think I told people before..I am waiting for people to prove me wrong and tell me how they can work it out...but why I can't??

1. I am a girl who loves intimacy..:p okay..this may sound so wrong to you..but I like to feel my bf..I want to hold his hands walking around the mall...I want to have a shoulder to lean on when I am watching movie..I want to hug him when I am down..I want to sniff and smell his very own scent..yes..I want to feel the present of my bf..not just remembering how it was in my memory...I can tell you..its no fun at all...when just the starting its fine and you still can adapt to it..but once you faced some personal issues and really needed him and he can not be there..it sucks big time..

 2. Time.I know technology nowadays are advancing into a stage where I don't even know some of the things...Skype yes...MSN yes... Webcam yes..but hey..you are not free all the time...both of your timing may not adjourn all the time..when you are online, he or she may not be..When you are busy with work and can not online...he or she might be there waiting for you..by the time you are free...he or she may have gone offline already... when you are on your holidays...he or she may be having their final exams...soo...timing is your worst enemy when it comes to long distance relationship...

3. Trust. I know there are many people out there who really trust their partner..and I know there are even more people who have trust issues with their love ones...yes..I am an insecure person because of my past...and I may have some trust issues...It wasn't like that in the past really...People asked me how I cope..I say I trust him...but now after a super torturing mental abusing trusting issues with my ex...I slowly slowly forget how is it to trust a person throughly...so...if you are in a long distance relationship...there is nothing for you to hold on other than 'trust' this word...if he or she says they are just going out for a drink...means you have to trust your partner...if he or she says that they are just friends..means they are just friends...will you know if they lie to you or not?? there is no other way of proving it other than believing it or not...Unless you really trust your partner, if not long distance will definitely take a toll on your relationship..

4. Money. I shall short cut it to LDR alright? LDR means money money and more money..telephone bills..flight ticket..presents and surprises...all these requires loads of money...probably the most killing ones will be phone bills..Either it is skype or phone..it will definitely cost a bomb if you call daily..then in order to save money..you will push it to two days once...then sooner or later..one week once...or even less...Flight...Even sabah...you know how most it cost to fly over there? and people...we are still students..do we have that excess money to spend? alright.if you are filthy rich then its okay...but if you have three younger brothers like me starting U soon...its not that easy to get that large amount of money..If you are planning to save slowly then its okay...probably you have to cut down on your entertainment expenses or maybe eating out expenses..then come to think of it..you will be staying at home and waiting for he/she to online everyday without going out...Presents or surprises...whoo...don't talk about the hassle of sending over things...its not cheap either..you can try going to the post office and asked how much is it to sent over a package of stuffs...normal mailing maybe its okay..but post laju? *bitter smile*

There are many more problems involved...that is why I don't believe in long distance relationship...If I am working and I started to earn my own money..then yes...it wouldn't be that hard..

Of course there are people who can work it out...who are willing to sacrifice a lot of things for love...who are willing to sacrifice their sleep..their money..even their time just to spend a while with their love ones...there are people who can do that...

but can I? *thinking hard* unless it comes to really special circumstances that I HAVE to have a LDR...I would....but now?? I don't think I have to..muahahaha...:p sorry for the evil me...Its really not easy for me... I am sorry if what I had said had hurt you in any matter...but this is only my little personal point of view with no harm to others...I hope...=)

(^v^)

woooo....I have to admit..my body is no longer young and fit...after not working for almost half a year..everything worn off after 7 hours of working...but everything is going alright..still the same old restaurant..most of the staffs changed..still the same old atmosphere..still the same old oink smell...=) 

The same old reaction I get from the staffs...why did you became thinner?? >.< I did not diet..I did not cut down on my food..and I did not even exercise..so tell me about it...what have I done wrong?? haha..I swear to god I did not DIET... :p

Anyway...am sorry for my emo-ness in my previous post..it was almost 5am and I could not sleep..what do you aspect... =( Results taken..and.........('v') get me??? no need to say no more..muahahhaha

Ten months..not too long and not too short..but enough for us to have tonnes of memories together for us to remember for the rest of our life...more memories to come...and a brighter future for both of us...

Baby...thanks for being with me all this while...words and never describe how much I love you and how important you are for me...my very own cute angel....and my very own Baby Aaron....

I love you Baby Aaron...

and happy 10th Month...muakxxxx....

Late night ramble

Bear with me and stay with me...its almost 5am and I couldn't sleep..Reason why? I am scare..

Probably you guys will think that I am mad and stupid to get stress over such little things.I don't know what is my results yet and yes I am scare..even until this very moment...Never ever felt so helpless before..and never ever felt so not confident before..yes I knew I had tried my best and its over and done..I can not change it anymore..its a fact...and tomorrow it will be a history...

I know it all.....

My expectations are high..yes..because thats who I am...I knew I screwed up my kitchen and it will affect my overall results..these few days I had been telling myself...lower your bar and be happy with whatever that you can get...honestly..its not easy to do...

I am not trying to boast myself and saying that I am very smart..but had been passing all my exams with flying colors all along..primary..secondary..been doing great in academic wise and co curriculum..even in college my diploma results is what I want to get in the next few hours...though I had fail my add math once...but..I know my standard..and I want to get the best..not the top student..but at least up to my expectation...

Why am I like that? ask my mum...My parents always have high expectation on me..and that is why I had worked my ass off in UPSR, PMR and SPM....probably because of the pressure that was set upon me in the past..it has left its trail upon me...and until today this very moment..though I had changed much and not that kiasu anymore...but its just me...am not pressured..but scare...

I had told myself zillions of time, its okay to get VHP..you had tried your best...be grateful for what you get tomorrow...no matter what it is...just accept it and forget about it..life is too short to feel sad about it..I did..zillions of times...even until just now when I tried to sleep...oh god...I just want to whack myself so I can faint and sleep right now...

oh rambling again and again...thats why I said..bear with me..I am trying to write until I am tired enough to sleep...

I am grateful for what I have now really..every time I see my friend 'like' the picture of us, or saying that you already have aaron mer...or even both of you are cute couple...I felt super grateful to have met him and to be with him...

I want to have a future with him...I want to built a family with him..I want him to be by my side when I am down and when I needed someone...I want him to be part of my present and future...because somehow I know...I will never meet anyone that can treat me as good as him anymore...

Some people say we are always not grateful for what we have now..oh yes..that us being a human...we always want more in our life...when its okay..you want good..when its good..you want great...when its horrible...you will say my life sucks..I am a human too..not that I am not grateful...not that I am not satisfied..no complains from me..because he treats me like a princess...but its myself...my insecurities..not him...but me..

I am scare that the more I want something..the harder I will fall...I am scare that I will make some silly and stupid mistakes and I will loose it all..read so many stories...experience it myself..and I know how bad it is...and I am scare that I will make those mistakes..thats why I always ask B did I do anything wrong or did I make you emo? I know it may be irritating at times...but I want to know whether I did the right thing for him or not...I want to know what mistakes I had done...yupe..I know its dumb and stupid...thats why I said..its my insecurities...

Past...History...its done and no point thinking about it..

Love started off as a blank paper...you slowly slowly paint it with all sorts of colors..whether its sunshine yellow and red or gloomy black and brown..its you who paint it and you who decided what kind of painting it will be...once you start painting there is no turning back..because it stayed like a permanent ink..no matter how hard you want to erase the mistakes that you had done..the mark will still be there...So careful....

oh..the more I write the better I feel actually..great.

Ten months had almost passed...I miss everything about him and us...everything from end of term 4...Melaka...first time holding hands...two months long distance relationship...late night calls...travelling in the bus alone for several hours just to see him and celebrate his birthday...day trip to museum and Genting...getting our first pet Viva..running back and fourth from Mentari and Bangsar...Ipoh trip...making cakes together...Perhentian trip...eating early breakfast together...blanketing him in the middle of the night..saying good night and telling him that I love him...hugging him...snuggling in blankets together...everything..

sometimes I felt like I had spend my whole life with him though it is just ten months...so short and yet so long...

Fool I may be..but no matter how foolish I am...one thing that I am sure of...I love you more than anything in this entire universe...the thought of you alone made me feeling better already...its 5.19am..better off to bed..I shall be thinking about all the things that we had done...and I will be missing you in my dreams...

Results? now..screwed it...VHP so what? told you...bear with me..I just need to express my thoughts...