Then I started to read the the posts that i wrote before both of us started...and I wrote this ::
'Aaron said..if I learned how to stand up for myself in every aspect...I will loose my lin-ness..'
and yes...back to where we just started to talk to each other...ohhh...how I not miss that time and how I miss that time..haha..Why I don't miss..because that time i was extremely emo and wasn't being fair to B at times...I wish that time when we just started...i was totally DONE with 'that fellow'..screwed it..I was being honest with B and told him I might need some time...and now when I think back..DAMN...I was being such a bad gf...=( sorry darling...i am really sorry... what I miss?? definitely the courting days..whether I am the one who took the first move or B is the one...it doesnt really matters now...( though I will still claim is me from time to time.=) )
I am a slow person in sweet talking...I still remember I said this to B before we started.. So do you mind if I call you dear? haha..yes people..I asked him first before calling him dear...After we started...I am still slow of course..haha...you think what??? just only started then straight run to darling baby all those meh?? haha..I am not that kind of person lo..I still need some time to memupuk the love...oh yeah~~ yeap..slowly slowly from dear to dear dear to baby..to b to baby darling...anything that we are comfortable with...
I know...sometimes I tend to write about it all the time in my blog..but..rather than me being emo..i believe that most of you want me to write about something that is happier right??? when I read back all my old post..I feel like whacking myself badly at that time..what a dumb girl I was yea...haha..
Love is about giving and take...Sometimes you change..sometimes he changes..but like he said..whether it is good or bad..all you want is he'she to accept you as a whole,,,
Sometimes you may just sit back and think..why is he not doing this..and why is he not doing that..I used to do that too...but what's the use of you doing all the thinking that is messing around in your head.. making you teared every single time..tell him..talk to him..he needs to know..to be frank..most of the guys ( not you darling..muakxx you read my mind all the time...no fun la no fun..haha ) are blur..they dont know how to read girls mind...unless you tell them...if not they really won't know...
Last time...I obviously keep everything in my heart..because I know..once I speak out my mind..we will ended up in cold war...So instead of telling him...I wrote down in the cards that I took from Elcerdo..and il keep it in my cupboard...obviously it was the end..but when I came back from Kuantan..I realize he wrote something somewhere...he said..why did you keep everything in these small cards..you should have told me..oh well...that time it has no effect on me at all..because we were over and done..but it had certainly taught me a lesson..always tell your partner how you felt...what is wrong...
Therefore now..I always have this heart to heart session with B...(I called it heart to heart ) where I asked him about everything..everything that I don't understand in the past..his past...then sometimes my frustrations...be it good or bad..I will tell him everything...and he has always been patient with me..telling me everything that I want to know...I always asked him...did I do anything wrong in the past few months...Did I make you emo? Reason why is because sometimes..guys will tend to keep everything to themselves also...they felt like its their responsibilities to bear...they don't want you to be emo..So they won't tell unless you ask...
I don't know whether it works for every couple out there..but for me..it had been awesome..because I know what he wants..I know what I should not do..I know what are his limits..I know how to treat him...
For me..he had been the most awesome bf in the whole world...I said before..I dont want money..( I can earn that myself when I start working )..I don't want alot of gifts ( but at certain time...gifts can be quite romantic ^^)..I just want someone to care about me..to lend me a shoulder when I need one..To hold me tight when I fall..and someone that loves me for who I am...and B had done most of it for me...and thats why..I am not afraid of showing to the world how much I love him...
I know I will be yours forever if you keep believing in that..=)
and oh darling...je t'aime <3
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