Smile

Before this..I was really like the girl in this picture...

Or this..
Because I am just too tired..tired of everything..people..

But no matter what..

So shall we smile more everyday??

Today I am happy..because I made someone happy..I hope

though I am not really good in surprising him..but I did tried my best..^^

Hope you like it dear..though it is TOO early..^^

Try not to be emo all the time..try to smile more..

Because you have a great smile..and your smile will brightens everyone around you..

So cheers!!!

S-M-I-L-E

Thanks...

Thanks for those who asked me about my eyes..thanks for your concerns..but my eyes are getting better now..thankgod..but the one that I want to hear the most did not...sobs..

Actually..I wanted to post something that is quite controversial yesterday..but I realize that he might just bump into my blog..therefore i choose to delete it..So i would not be the bitch who curse in my blog..though I am already a bitch saying this..but whatever..I was really mad yesterday night..like REALLY pissed off that type..until I can not tahan and start to text people..you know who you are..and please do not be a faker though you hated me also..You knew things that are going on around you and yet you choose to stick around..make up your mind what is your priority and work it out..alright..fullstop..il only say until here..

Today..I slept quite well..finally got a good good rest..thanks to my eyes infection for the MC..haha..so long did not sleep until that well already...and I am constantly sleepy because of my eyes now..what the hell..it is like a sleeping pill somehow..and now im drinking coffee to make me awake..sobs..

Recently..I am always comforting myself with writting..comforting meaning crying while comforting..talking to myself to think back what I have done wrong..talking to myself so I can forget about things..telling myself things will get better in time..though it hurts..but il try and handle it myself by being alone..

I dont want to be a person that can be constantly bullied by others..constantly being used by others..just because I did not say it out..doesnt mean I can always take it and suck it in..sometimes there is a limit to everything..though I always put down my limit and give myself another limit...doesnt mean there is no limit..

Conjuntivitis

Currently I am sitting at home sleeping for the whole afternoon where I suppose to be in college studying..pour guoi???? because I have a sore eye..This time I have sore eye is not because i cried alright!!!! I have sore eye since like three days before..I thought it was just a normal redness in my eyes due to lack of sleep..Then yesterday it became worst and I can hardly open my eyes..

This morning..lagi teruk..I look like shit and damn miserable because I can not wear my contacts..then my left eye is red and way smaller than my right eyes..I can hardly even open my eyes..Then I am super duper sleepy..I decided to ask Brendan to teman me and see doctor in college since he is around..

AND!!!! it turns out that I have conjuntivitis!!! sounds not so serious!! but the doctor open my eyes and say..hmm..you have conjuntivitis..and immediately wash her hands after touching my down eye lid..I was like..oh oh..sounded serious here..she gave me two days of MC..and told me if it is not recovering in one week time...I have to go and see the eye specialist..AND!! why I did not went and see doctor right after I got sore eye?? I suppose to be in kitchen tomorrow for the waste not want not program..and she said it is a big NO NO because I might affect someone by just looking at them..what the!!!! got so serious one ar conjuntivitis..

So currently..I am quarantining myself in my room infront of the computer..sobs..eye pain pain..

Sometimes..it is so hard to control everything that is going on around us..the only thing that you can do is to remember the trust word! trust trust trust..im really trying my best to not care and trust...god bless me...hopefully this time..i can get it through..

Confilcts

Bah...conflicts and conflicts everywhere..here people start banging people online..there people start shouting at people at another side of the world..gosh..why so much of dramas happening around..curious at first..but the more i know about it..the more no good it is doing to me..so whatever la..not going to care about it anymore..like I can take care of myself..

Sometimes..I just felt SOOO glad that i am with this bunch of friends right now..I know i am not the best person in this world to deal with..but they brought a smile in my face in college everyday..through that hard times and good times..muakxx people..sounded so gay..but nevermind..haha..Dont remind me that I wrote this in my blog...I might just pengsan in college..

Mumbling

awwww...Sunway pyramid is currently playing every song that im listening to everyday..

1. My life would suck without you

2. Poker Face

3. An Jing

4. The song Gan and others always sing for me in class..by lam foong and some girl..

GOSH!!! I almost thought that the DJ is using my ipod to play the songs..haha..Doing the stupid portfolio now..stunnded because it is TOO simple until I have to squeeze my brains to find the problem out..haiy haiy..

My whole body aching for no reason I don't know why..

I am kinda doubting myself right now for something that is just so plain stupid..I lost my confident..when I look into the mirror now..all I can is a tired soul and tired face..

*knock myself for thinking too much*..not good not good..going insane pretty soon..someone save

me!!!!!

Though I am not a very religious person..but here..I pray for everyone out there who are aching because of love..You are not dumb nor stupid..you just love he or she too much until your heart aches..Find the courage to find back love because love is still out there..For those who are in a relationship now..do learn how to appreciate your partner more because you are lucky to have someone beside you right now..you are lucky that he or she is there for you whenever you need someone..you are lucky because someone still loves you..

From what I hear and what I see...I will not forsee what will happen in the future..all I want is to appreciate each moment that we have together..and treat you with all my heart and soul..I shall put my trust upon you..I shall and I will..Me heart you..muakxxx...

A little bit of Sarah

Today is Sunday..another day of hanging out at Starbucks Pyramid...and i just can hold my itch of taking pictures...So I went to the nearest shop around this area --- Topshop just to check out what they have in their store..Well..Alot of people think that Top shop is trendy and EVERYONE seems to be wearing it..Personally..I am not a huge fan of Topshop because I just can not find the right size that suits me..

But this time when i went to that shop..one style reminded me of the queen of fashion in Sex in the City---Sarah Jessica Parker..This dress...

Tiny little dress with a top like normal sleeveless shirt with a ribbon in the waist..and the bottom is a cute little balerina skirt...I love this dress..it is just so lady and cute..haha..

and then..I found it in Topshop..something similiar to that dress..but with an urban twist..Well..since I am the queen of Window Shopping and camwhoring..I decided to try it on and snap a few pictures....behold..

Well..this dress is a little bit over the top for me because of the ruffles at the bottom..I think it is call the ruffles..not quite sure what it is call..haha..As I told you guys..I seriously can not find the right size for myself..this is already S!! but still..the top is so loose..sobs..I like the pink color though..

The first thing I thought of when i wore this dress is...I felt like I am Snow White..haha..the red color and the ribbon is just so Disney for me..it is really cute though..and yes..this is not as loose as the pink dress because of the ribbon..
and THIS..haha..the reason why i like this dress is because it is quite fitting compare to the others..

Voila..I am quite free right..haha..

Yesterday was quite funny though..Kar Woon and Dolores came and complain to me that they did not take much pictures during the gathering because I am not there..I am not there to remind them to camwhore..haha..I told Dol that I shall now label myself as the Camwhore queen..haha..AIYOR..takan when I am not there you guys wont take picture meh..haha..when it is our next gathering..we shall take lotsa lotsa picture k??? love you guys..muakxxx...

So true

Just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
We don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.

No matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.

True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance..
The same goes for true love.

I Believe..
You can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
You should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
You can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
Either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
Money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
My best friend and I, can do anything, or
nothing and have the best time.


I Believe...
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and
less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe..
It isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
No matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
Our background and circumstances may have
influenced who we are, but.
we are responsible for who we become..

I Believe...
Two people can look at the same
thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
Your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
Even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you -
you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
Credentials on the wall do not make you a
decent human being.

The things that I learned

Friendship can be a really weird thing

People told me to becareful

I said I will keep a distance

In the end, what I saw is

Once used then dump

Like I am invisible

Luckily I kept a distance

Love can be a weird thing

Happy Sad Sweet Upset

Everything can be on a go in the same time

Saw formal couples back together

Glad for them because I know how they feel

You will appreciate everything more than before because you felt the pain of losing

The unbearable pain that brought them back together

I want and I will be a better person

For you

Because I had lost you for a few times

and I would not loose you anymore

The pain is too much for me to bear

When you look into my eyes and says

'I love you'

I tell myself

'I will always love you'

~Lin heart BL~

Appreciate Electricity

Finally!!!! our electricity is back on after three miserable days of NO ELECTRICITY..it totally suckswhen you are trying to sleeping but kena bitten by mosquitoes instead..sighs..I felt sooooo poor..but life without electricity is not that BAD after all..no computers..no onlining..no other distractions..so you can have some personal time together..talking about nonsense..just..two person..its nice in a way..but when its time to sleep.its HORRIBLE..hot..nevermind..mosquitoes..shites.. Anyway..i love spending candle light night with you..it would be better if there is fan..haha..

After all the hassle with his parents to settle everything..everything was paid and done..just have to wait for TNB to on our electricity back..but these 'on-the-electricity-buggers' only starts work at 5.30pm..and pity me..I have to be alone at home as the sky started to turn dark..I have the whole empty house with me WITHOUT electiricy..really scary I am telling you..I started to freaked out when I heard some noises and blast my music to the max so I wont hear anything..

Called them TWICE and complained..and it is finally on around 9pm..THANKGOD lo..and now..I felt so rich because I do not have to suffer..from now on..I am SOO going to appreciate life with just fan without complaining I do not have an air con here...haha..

and..i might have some interesting job offer..will not say here UNTIL it is final and done..haha..but I am so excited already..

Mad

Currently..It has been superbly crazy for me..GOSH..NO ELECTRICITY at home..what the hell..something wrong with the bill and they had to cut our line..oh GREAT...no electricity at home..hot like HELL!!! and the best of all..I can not do my work..Fine..got to move to starbucks and finish up my work..

Well..I wanted to settle the bills fast and me myself I am running out of money. So I called my dad..maybe he can just borrowed me that money and I can have back my electricity by tonight. Well..what I get..was a cold reply saying that he will not bank in for me...FINE..I will try and figure out a way myself..

and later on in the evening..My mum have to call me and start yelling me..what the hell!!! HEY!!! it is not MY fault that the electricity is CUT OFF...I just ask for a small favour so I can get back my electricity and atleast can sleep peacefully and finish up my work at home..and now!!! you called and yelled at me because of something that is not my fault!! not even a single pittiness from both of you..saying that I keep asking for money..Well..you should really look at your daughter here..I do not spend any penny in buying new clothes for a long long time already..I did not buy anything for myself for SOOOO long..All I use is money for food..some occasionally entertainment and transportation!!! THATS ALL!!! I do not even spend my money in clothes..bags..shoes!!!! you tell me!! How many bags do I carry around?? How many pairs of shoes at home is actually wearable..Do I have any new clothes??? Do I have any new things?? maybe some essentials..thats all!!!!!! you think I always waste my money..I wonder where???

GOD..I am so mad!!! Always assuming that I am wasting money in KL..Always assuming I am doing something bad..Alright..if you want me to save money..I will starve myself..It is already bad enough that we do not have electricity at home right now..and I have to recieve some cold and ignorant response from my parents..Fine...

'I'm a Standout in Life'

I'm a Standout in Life..ermm..Actually it is quite a interesting and hard topic to write about when my life is practically quite normal and flat out all the time..

All this while..I have been a girl who will follow the rule and stick to it loyally which I regreted it until this very moment. My family had brought me up in the way that I have to be a typical 'Cina' type of girl who will excel in my studies and co-curiculum. You know those 'Cina' type of girl who is super duper competitive, kiasu until every single mark counted, always say you never study but actually you are eating the books at home?? ahuh..Those type..I was brought up that way..and yes..I was like that when I was in my primary school. I was a good girl all along and a tomboy. I had this super ugly short hair with side parted bangs and I always thought that wearing like an adult is super cool. Oh my god. I am really studious and ambitious that time. I was taking part in all sorts of competitions like choir competitions, singing competition, quiz, newspaper cutting competition, public speaking in english mandarin and malay. Oh well..Name it and I will be there..except for Maths..I suck in it..

Am I famous last time? YES. Of course I am famous. I am known as the fiercest headperfect ever in school. sadly but yes, tomboy. I used to chased ( means running with a broom in my hands ) a guy who pissed me off by teasing me around the whole school. I used to shout in front of the class until the next building can hear my voice. Everyone thought that I was a superwoman and a fierce tomboy.

Fate is a really funny thing. I was suppose to be allocated in a Chinese School called Chan Wa but somehow, I got into SMK Puteri which is the school of all princesses. haha. Maybe not that over exagerated. If I studied in Chan Wa, I guess I will still be like primary school. Super fierce girl with a tomboy look and character. When I first stepped into Puteri, it was a really different experience for me because suddenly no one is there to pissed me off ( meaning guys ), no one will tease me and I actually do not have to scream my voice out. I was not even a prefect when I was in afternoon class. Slowly, I had changed. I am not that fierce and sassy anymore. I am not that boyish anymore. and I am getting used to studying with only girls in the school. Well. Though I am not a prefect, but I am not that low key after all. Somehow, me and my friends get ourselves into choir and Red Crescent Society. We sing, we march, flours and eggs were thrown at us because we are still juniors, we have to crawl through some sticky and creepy jelly thing and some even have to eat raw eggs. Well.That is a life of a junior. haha

Well. Since I am in a all girls school, I do not really hang out or get to know new guys anymore. Maybe my social door was close because I am not that type of girl who will get along realy well with guys ( last time ), and I am quite shy at times (hohoho..)..Seriously. My school is a all girl school and nearby there is a all boys school ( St. Paul ). We are so call brother and sister school. Why do I say SO CALL brother and sister school? Because normally most of the puterians will pair up with a paulian. Same goes to me. Brendan is from St Paul and I am a Puterian. Back to my main story. So normally Puterians will be so hook up with Paulians and Paulians will be all over Puterian girls. But me in another head, being a nerdy girl who do not care much about my looks and do not care whether I have a boyfriend or not, is very low key among the Paulians. All of them knew my friends but they just do not know me. How weird!! haha...

I was still and good girl all the way, do not dare to disobey the rules and work my ass off in my studies and extra curiculum activities. Why? Sadly, my mum is a teacher and her connection is creeply scary. She knew most of the teachers in my school especially the head mistress and those top heads. So whenever she has the chance to see them, she will take the opportunity to ask how am I doing in school and complain to the teacher how I am stucked infront of the TV and not studying. Come on. I will practically locked myself in the room when I want to study okay? haha. There are so many eyes and ears in my school, do you think I dare to do anything extreme? even if I want to skip class, I will have to report to my mum. Another reason of me being a good girl, are my friends. I had a bunch of great friends who has the same interest and thoughts as me. We all love to have fun, being mad and crazy but not over the board and we all know what is our priority at that time - Study. Kar Woon, Eunice, Dolores, Wai Mae, Joo Ee, Pui Foong, Wendy, Michelle and so many more. We had so much of fun together in school. We were being toutured under the sun, shout until no voice, sing until we are breathless, sing until our head is spinning, running up and down around the school, see this teacher for her signature and approval, see the headmistress for her approval, hanging out in the Red Crescent Room, practicing our dance moves, painting the stage back drop, applying sunblock to prevent getting unwanted sunburns, Strolling around looking serious but actually laughing out loud inside, changing into PJs for training, marching in Sport's Day, taking part in competitions, joining camps in schools, making souvenirs for Enrolment and farewell. Gosh. There are so much of memories when we were in secondary school.

Do I standout when I was in secondary School? I was the Headprefect, President for Red Crescent Society, and the Vice President for Choir Club. Most of my friends were holding all those positions as well. If that is not outstanding enough. What about dropping the mic and merely shouted my lungs out during assembly in front of all the teachers and students? What about being the most un-headprefect Headprefect in my School's history?

When I went to college, everyone was shocked because I took Hotel Management instead of those science courses. My results are good enough for me to be a doctor if I can afford it. But in the end, I took a 180 degree turn and ended up in Taylor's College, School of Hospitality and Tourism. Being exposed to the fast pace life in KL, I had changed once more. I started to get familiarize with guys around and starting to know what is love. It changes my perception of life and exposed me to so many dirty facts in life. It hurts, but it is something that everyone have to go through as a part of a life experience.Living in the KL means exposing yourself to alchohol and clubbing. It is something that you can not run away from. I started to taste wine, beers and liquors ( it is also part of my course and something that I must know in the F&B industry ), and I went clubbing a few times. I will not say that this is something that I will do regulary because I am not a clubber nor an alchoholic. In fact, I have not been to a club for a long long time.

Love. My relationship with Brendan has not always been on the tip of the ice nor lovey dovey. I believed that in every relationship, we will learn something from it and paste it in our memory as part of our life. We are always trying to patch things up and take the best out of it. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it made me smile even in my dreams. Why do I write about this? Because I believed that in any relationship that I have ever known, mine, is one the most standout ones. You can never imagine what had happened between us until this day, today. I cherish every moment we had together because we will never know what will happen in the future. No matter what is it, I want it to be something that I will always remember in my heart.

So do I standout? If you do not know me, you will not think that I am someone who stand out among the crowd. I am not a super hot and pretty girl, I am not the smartest girl, I am not the loudest girl, I am not the girliest girl and I am not a girl that everyone will remember. But I am a girl with confident and I know what I want to achieve in my life. I am a girl who believes that no matter what you want to do, do it and have no regrets. and I am a girl who loves to blog. haha. A very lame way to end my post.

See the changes in me as years goes by..I might not be the one who stands out in the crowd, but in my heart, I do standout no matter what other thinks.

This is how I look when I first landed in SMK Puteri. See the super ugly short hair with side parting bangs?

Me and my friends hanging out in the Red Crescent Room while getting ready for RC Farewell.

Me giving out speech on the stage. Thankgod I did not drop the mic.

Our Last National Choir Competition in PD

Me and my two best friends after we graduated from Puteri.

We are sending my best friend off to USA, Eunice.

Chinese New Year visiting with our formal Add Math Tuition Teacher.

College Study Trip to Genting.

DH27 Group 1,2,3 Food Promotion, Last Night in Prison

Me and dong, loves

C'est la vie

Oh wells..TONNES of drama had happened to me recently and I am so so glad that I got it through..seriously..

Well..life is just full with surprises..ups and downs..I had faced the worst..got through the worst..and still believe in this world that love do exist..and hell yea..I will always believe in that..

Assignments rush..Assesment coming ambushing us from all corners..Still have tonnes of assignments remain undone..College life is just getting tougher and tougher day by day..can hardly breathe because we are constantly rushing to finish our video..rushing for presentation..rushing to study..gosh..what a life seriously..

I am a person..who simply believes in my guts..who will trust what my heart says..that leads to a good and a bad ending..some ended up hurting myself because he/she is not the person that I had long know..therefore I kept a distance to protect myself..but life is really like a joke..because the more you want to avoid it..the more it will come to you..sigh..how hard I wish that one day..he/she will wake up..

What is a good ending..you will never know whether it is a good ending until the say you leave this world..I believe that at the end of the day..every step of your life will be counted back and you will know what is right and what is wrong..

I always wished that I had a Cinderella life..living happily ever after..but as time goes by..reality struck me real hard and thought me things that I can never imagined happening to me..My relationship is simply full with ups and downs..though so many dramas were circling around us..but at the end of the day..nothing will happen unless we talk things out and make it clear..Forgiveness and trust..perhaps that is the most important key to any relationship..I am not a perfect person..and I will never be a prefect person..What I do..people might call me stupid and dumb..ignorant and whatever that you want to say about me..what I believe is..the heart..yes..you may call me naive but yes..heart..because after all the crying..tearing..throwing tandrums..ignorant..in the end of the day..you will calm down and think back of the things that you really want..things that you want to change..and the things that you were doubtful about..I know that I am a person who is super sensitive and insecure..this might take a long long time for me to find a way to make myself overcome my fears..

I want to say sorry to all the people who are reading this blog..sorry for being emo constantly..sorry for those that I had hurt unconciously..you know who you are..and please understand that it is really from my heart..Thanks for all my friends who were so worried about me..whether it is my stress handling issues..or emotional handling issues..I know that you guys are worried..and I did not tell you all anything..but please bear with me..because this is a problem that I have to solve it myself..thanks for being there for me whenever I needed a shoulders to lean on..

and thank you..for able to bear with my emotional roller coaster..to be able to get me to myself and not just push me away without caring about me..I am not a very easy person to deal with...I know that..thank you..

My Great Dressing Room, Sunway Pyramid

Alright..I suppose to update this last week..but I was too busy to do so..So finally I have the time to update about this..as most of the people who are frequent Sunway Pyramid visitors knows..They have this fashion event called 'My Great Dressing Room' ..Then quite a few clothing line took part in this event..For example : Forever 21, Calvin Klein, Miss Selfridge, Marks and Spencer etc...

So I went to pyramid and actually saw a fashion show for the first time in my life..haha..it was the fashion presentation for Forever 21...I took quite a few pictures of the HOT HOT models..I wish I have their legs..GOD..its a total killer I am telling you..haha..

Right after the show..I was so eager to find out which outfit they had chosen for the fashion presentation..So I went to Forever 21..and hunt high and low for the outfit..and voila!!! I found a few..hahaha..Firstly..THIS------

and THIS is the version of me wearing the outfit..SHIT..It was really loose..I choose size S..but it was still dropping all over the place..haha..

THIS---- is one of my favourite model..she is so so so sweet...hahaha

and here I am..found what she wore...Except for her boots..which is another killer..haha..steal steal!!!!

INI..though I don't really like the models in this picture..but I still have to show you guys the green dress in this picture..because I found this hanging right under my nose..haha

and THIS is my version of the dress..still a little too big for me..I wonder why???

Most of the clothes that were showed in the fashion presentation is actually on sales in their respective shops..so if you guys really like it..just stop by at pyramid and get yourself a nice outfit and imagine being a top model..like me..haha..I can dream on la..

An appologies

Oh well..I had deleted my previous post..It was SOOO obvious that I was totally out of my mind at that moment..I was stressed up because I have no idea what to do for my econs..I have no confident that what I did was right or not..therefore..I reach a point where I was really not thinking right...

and when I really needed someone to talk to..he was not there..not because he can not be there..just that he was busy..and sometimes..he needs time to be with his own friends..and that is something that I am still learning to deal with..So..it is totally my own fault..

I cried..I threw my phone..I was mumbling to myself..yes..I was really all over the place..I can not have grip on myself..and yes..I did lose myself at that point..

I was REALLY emo at that time..work was remain unfinish until 2am..which frusfrate me to the max..when I saw him..oh well..I was still emo..but immediately everything seems to be easier to deal with..I was suppose to be mad because he did not reply me and answer my call..but in the end..its really pointless...so I was not mad at all...

I am sorry for my stupidity..I am sorry because sometimes I just can not get hold of myself when time is really crucial and when things are all over the place...I blame no one but myself..

This is life..life is full of ups and downs..things would not go the way you want them to be..when it is not yours means it is not yours..you can have it all..what I want to tell myself is..do not take things so hard on yourself..do not let others to beat you down when you know what you are capable of..If that heart belongs to you..it will always belongs to you no matter how long it takes..or how far you are seperated..just cross my fingers that distance will not be a problem for us in the future..or IF i get to train in france..if it is a problem..there is nothing I can do...

Oh well..I think too far aint i?? it is not confirm that I am getting to France anyway...ohwell..I am finally done with my econs assignment...HIPHIP HOORAY..I have ZERO idea wheether it is correct or not..therefore..tomorrow I am just going to bang and hopefully it is okay..screwd her..because of her sarcism..her arrogant..damn it..what kind of lecturer is that..

...

I don't know who will read my blog..and I don't know who won't read my blog..therefore there are some boundaries that I can not write about..which suckx to the max..

Saw some pictures in facebooks..though I don't really know them..but..i still feel touched by their love..and when I see them so lovely together..i actually felt like crying..how dumb can that be right??

I don't want the moon nor the stars..I don't want bags and shoes.. All I want is a true heart..and a heart that stays..and a heart that keep to his says..

What I fear the most is the trust that I trust..the heart that I choose to give out..The tears I shed..the courage I took..everything strenght that I had to keep this heart with me..is no longer there..

I am not mad at no one..I just don't have confident with myself..I do not have confident that I can be a good GF..I do not have confident that I am good enough for anyone..for him..I do not have confident that I have the strenght to go through so many things..I do not have confident because I am scare that I am losing myself once again..and I will never stand up no more..

I want to be a good girl for him..I want to be good enough for him..I want him to know that what I can do for him..I want him to know that..I gave it all..but if it not enough..I do not know what to do anymore..

Sometimes..I am really iritated with myself..I know that I am being pushy..I know that sometimes I don't listen to him..I know that sometimes..I dont trust him..I know that all but I keep doing the same mistake over and over again and I have no idea why..

I want to give him some space..but I don't know when to give and when not to give..I don't know what I should do or how to tell him that I...I really don't know..and I fear that because of that..the same thing happen again..

I fear..I am worried..I am agitated..I am scare..I am stress..I am Fish up..I am everything that is so not me..and who I don't want to be..Once again..I am alone in this empty house..waiting for his reply though I know that he is busy...waiting for his reply because I am worried for him..

Been coughing for a few days..did not sleep well for a few days..can barely wake up in the morning because I am too tired..I have tonnes of things to do...sigh..I wish..how hard I wish that everything will be at where we just started again..how hard I wish that I can be a better gf..

Busy

Alright..I know I have been quite unactive in my blog recently..been really busy with all my assignments and shits..sighs!!! Why are there go many work to be done..once one is done..another one will pop out..what the hell!!!! Hardly have time to be sitting quietly infront of my comp and online..

Well..I felt kind of weird actually recently..felt like I am being a little bit pushy..just that for me..I always wanted things to be the way they are..and I myselft..I will maintain it as that way it is..So when things are not where it was..I will feel insecure..and I will think a lot..maybe it is my fault..maybe it is me who is thinking too much..but for those who know..well..nobody really knows..because I seldom talk about it..I really do give it all out when it comes to this..because for me..once I put my heart into something..I will really give my best shot..

Oh well..I guess it is me again who is thinking a little bit too much..sighs...got to change myself lo..

Assignment Rush

okie..I was suppose to blog about the fashion show thati saw yesterday..then!!!! around 10pm at night..gan asked me..

G : what is the dispute channel?

L : huh?? what dispute channel?

G : Law la..

L : law..i thought thursday or something.

G : Tomorrow la..

L : #(*$&#)(*#()%*()#%*)(#%)( WHAT??? TOMORROW????

Yes..I did not know that we have to pass up our law by today..meaning..I am screwd..we are screwd..then I faster call dai lou and start doing lo..i ask him to find the info..then il type it out..GOSH..we really rush like hell wei..dai lou also do until pening already..We finished it around 3PM..I tell you..I was sleepy like hell at that time..and I did not sleep well..why..My mind was wandering about Law..Singapore Law..Malaysia Law..the thing keep turning round and round in my head..

Then I dream that I forgoten to bring my chef jacket to pastry class today..I forgoten my knive..I took Brendan's HP with me..and I have to run home like more than 4 times..GOSH..So ofcourse I did not sleep well la..some more we have 8.30 class..I decided not to go since I can barely open my eyes..

then My phone start ringing and vibrating..there is the class ar lin..where is it??? dadada..GOD..when Sunny called me..he said..Wei..got class le..i said..dun bising la..i want to sleep..ISH..then i off my phone..i turn off the viration so I can not hear anyting at all..haha..smart huh???

Seriously...hell wei..god..anyway..I not yet complain about Uma today..i shall commence tonight..ISH..I HATE HERRRRRR....now have to rush for pastry..keke

Saturday..what I do

Today..we were suppose to go to Petaling Street to jalan jalan..but in the end..piggy as always..we both slept until noon..muahaha..I was super tired lo..I have no idea why..I woke up around 11 something..went and open my restaurant city..haha..though I am super tired..but i still told myself..i have to wake up..go and open my restaurant..go go go..can not let Dai Lou restaurant beat mine le..ish...

Then..we went to zanmai for dinner..he suppose to meet up with some guy called ichy to trade his cards..so off we go lo..we bump into Jac and her bf..well..It Joe, her bf..bought her a ticket back to KL so that when he is going to sabah for vacation..he won't be alone..sweet ain't he?? I was saying..wau..he also damn rich right..Brendan said..that is their love la..Joe took ALL his anual leave so that he can spend some time in Sabah with her..awwwwww...that set me into thinking..well..I should say that she is a one lucky girl to have a bf who can sacrifice SO much for her..Guess this is one willing to do when they are seperated..

Well..still not in the mood to finish up my assignments..now just let me rest for awhile..and next week will be a hell for me..sobs..

Window Shopping

Just another Labour's Day...Nothing better to do at home..Online..Restaurant City-ing..Hell Kitchen-ing..Cooking for myself to eat because I am freaking broke..Bitten by mosquitoes which amazingly can reach 13th floor..Sauna-ing at home because the weather is just SO hot..gah..have to getaway from home..

So..me decided to follow his advice and go to pyramid and jalan jalan..went and eat..then i went for window shopping..haha..very long did not do that already lo..Finally got the mood tocamwhore a bit..ermm..maybe not a bit..quite alot..haha..

So beware of the camwhoring queen!!!! muahaha...

My california roll..mumm mumm

me and my nato maki..not many people like it..but me likey it..it has been a while since i ate it..sine form 4 when i went to japan..haha

I like this top from esprit actually..it is really comfortable..can wear it to college..the material is not hot at all..but when i look at the price..well..you can just kill me..haha..for a simple and comfortable top..will cost me RM248..MY GOD!!! can you just kill me..

FINALLY!!! I got the chance to try a high waist pants..its form top shop..well..it does looks nice..and make me looks thinner..seriously..like DAMN thin..not in this picture la..

I like this top too..BUT!!! I can never wear it out..you know why..it is too low..and I have to use my hair to cover my expose bra..hahaha..Sorry la..my cup size too small..haha..

Anyway..I uploaded most of the picture in my facebook..perasan sial!!! sorry lo..too long never camwhore already..have to camwhore a bit bit..haha

Current Mood Chart 

Mood : Pisssed

Scale of 1-10 : 8

For those who watches 91210 you should understand what I mean, the mood chart. 

I really don't understand why people like to talk behind someone's back. I mean. Yes. I know that I am stubborn I am stupid I am useles I am cheap and whatever shit that people talk about me. Please bear in mind that this is my own business and my own life that I have now. whatever decision that I made, I do use my brains and think about it before I do. So please don't over exagerated and make until I am some bloody useless girl who only depend on my boyfriend for my hapiness. 

Seriously. Who likes people who talking behind their back? This is MY personal life you are talking about. Don't go and over exagerate things that you hear and make until I am really so pitiful or what. I am bloody NOT pitiful and I am pretty happy with what I have now. Despite things that happened in the past. I believed that one will change and giving us another chance. Whatever that I am doing now do not affect you all at all so why bother talking behind my back? I really don't get it. 

I am already pretty screwded up because of certain assignment problem and now this has to come to me. What the hell? And I seriously don't get why am i pissed anyway. 

and I seriously need to open my eyes and and don't trust people so easily. Things that I see before and after is so different.