screwd it

Sorry people for not updating for quite some time. I got lots and lots to write about but i just could not find a better time to go all the way to CC and online..but here i am..sitting alone in CC at 12.30 AM..sounds pathetic..but im fine..though i CRIED again..mind that..

The reason why i cried is because i was chatting with Jason Tan..yes..Jason Tan..haha..not really close but we just talk..and he told me that he had talked to Brendan once..i knew i was going to cry at that point..nothing to be shame of..because im used to crying because of him already..YEA..why i cried..i wont say it here..anyway..this is what Brendan is..soooo...screwd it..

The reason why im holding on SOOOO hard and not lettting myself really getting over it is because in my heart..i still believe what he said..that im not some nobody..but a special special friend to him..and he will still care for me..heh..i guess he told every single girl he met the same thing..whatever..i still believe in that..but how he is treating me now is really over the board..i am NOT a sandbag..a person that you can just ditch whenever you want..can scold whenever you like..who am i to you to deserve all these??? you are just not treating me the right WAY!!!!!!!! All those things that you had told me before..are like lies to me now..the trust of me to you..is just fading away...why am i still mourning for you?? why am i still letting myself being affect by you..screwd it.just screwd it..and i wnt care about you anymore...

GOSH..i really should let myself over these shits now..DAMN..anyway..screwd it..

Its tuesday

I thought that we were okay and fine already..but today..once again..he was being super cold towards me..i have no idea why..and his PM in MSN is saying that there are hypocrites around him..it might just be referring to me..i have no idea why he would have thought of that..i was just being concern about him..he being emo..but if this is what i get..i guess il just have to back out...


TODAY..i did something really bad..miao..sorry sorry er..i really should not have left you there and let you go back to the restaurant all by yourself..i DAMN regret lo after that..i was soooooo worried..worried that you cnt get your brother..i called stephan like twice..he did not pick up..fine..i called max..he said you left..then i called the restaurant to get jackie's number..SHIT..that number dont exist..what the hell..SORRY for bring selfish girl..i know i should have followed you..i DAMN REGRET for what i had done..forgive me shall you???

in some point..i realize that im quite selfish at times..i only know how to think for myself..but not for others..i want people to care about me..so what if i break up??? its nothing..it is just part of my life..a path that i should go through..i should not have made everyone worried about me...just because i broke up..it is just so dumb..realizing that i took so damn long to realize that..

so NOW!!!! i would even think of getting back together again..screwd it..it will never happen anymore..though i really want us to be friends again..but if this is what i get from him..screwd it..im not a faker okay??? just that i care too much about you..and you dont really give a damn..so why should i care anymore..

Monday

First of all..i would like to dedicate all my love to people who supported me..thanks ya..and i love you guys...muakxx

Talking about today..it was the worst day and the best day..

Lets talk about the worst part..

as i were in the KTM going to work..i realize i forgoten to bring my black pants..my apron and my water bottle..OH MY GOD..how can i forget my pants..what am i going to wear when im working people!!!!

So i went all the way to Lot 10 and get a Romp's jean's skinny black pants..Atleast i can wear it to college and out you see..okay..settle..and i still manage to eat my breakfast..

Then when i was changing my uniform..FISH!!!! i forgoten my black socks..OH MY GOD..can you imagine me wearing a skinny black pants..and cock shoes without a balck socks..i look damn 'hot' wei..haha..Fine..i became the cashier..

Here comes the good part..there were only 8 pax in the restaurant..and im damn freaking free..haha..so we did enjoy myself..for being so free...

Then during my break..i bought a handphone line or whatever you call it..it has alot of pink love on it..and yes people..im obsess with love shape and pink now..sooo...please forgive me..muakaka..

Finally the best of my day...

i was the hostess of the day..and i totally can take charge of it..and im freaking happy about it..sooo...here goes the phone calls..bringing the guest to their table and things..haha..SOO..when it was almost 9.30..came a whole group of people..PEOPLE..they are like super models...DAMN tall and PRETTY...DAMN HANDSOME wei..gosh..i was like stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway...i was damn happy that i actually can see real models..GOSH..i damn jealous..how can they be so freaking tall and pretty..haha.

okay..

il update again the nest day yea..

me and me

oh my god..woke up with a damn bad headache..swollen eyes..wish i dont have to go and work..atleast i dont have to face the world yet..Diny sure ask why is my eyes so swollen..and talk to her..

Suddenly i realize that my life is like so freaking dramatic..everything has to be hyperbola..beyond the expectation..sometimes i just want everything to be simple and nice..no dramas..or maybe im the one who is creating all this drama and stuffs..haha..anyway..im a drama queen..

Well..im going to work later..soon..with sun glasses..to cover my swollen eyes..maybe a cap to make myself invisible..ermmm..a bit too much eh..haha..but this is me..zhi lin..finding ways to get back..finding ways to be herself again..

A message to him

For Brendan::

i know that you wont read my blog..and i wont even know whether you did or not..i really dont know..but if you see this post of mine..yes..it is dedicated to you..

i know that it is not anyone's fault..but what i really want from you..is just a simple simple thing..for you to treat me like how you treated your friend..but why you have to treat me like your enemy??Maybe worst than your enemies...

i know that im hard to tolerate with..yes..i know that..but you knew me for so long..i thought you would have understand me..maybe im the one who really still cant catch you until this very moment..

what i want from you..is just simple..i dont want it to end it in this way for both of us..hating each other..this is the worst that i could aspect..

until this moment..i feel like im really pathetic..because i still love you..which makes me triple pathetic.after what you said to me..after what you did to me..i still do..

but...

congratulations..you manage to get myself over you..and move on with my life..

il let you out of my heart now...

il let you go now...

but i dont want to hate you..

Because i know i cant hate you

i hope that one day..we can still sit down and talk..

one day..

definitely not now..

im sorry...

From zhi lin

Well..if anyone saw this post..please tell him that i wrote this for him..

People..please dont leave a bad impression about him..he is a great friend..a great guy..but just not the right one for me...

This is not some acting or whatever..

this is from deep down of my heart..

...

Yea..guess it is the best way to end it..

like a stabbing a sword into my heart..

and cut it into million and billion slices..

i felt numb now..

i let myself cried for him again..

i still let myself being torture by him emotionally..

Though i said i will hate him

but deep down in my heart..

i know that i cant..

i just cant hate him..

because i used to love him so much..

i will still defend him some how in some way..

im a jerk..

a self torturing idiot..

im not a so good looking girl

i know i have difficulities in controlling my feelings now

i know that im not that funny after all

i know that im damn freaking blur and stupid

i praised myself at times just for the sake of making myself feeling better

i like to make myself emo

i have alot of flaws people

and im not afraid to tell the whole world about it

Because i am who i am

i just need somebody

Somebody who can understands me

to tolerate with all my flaws

who can be there when i need you

to be there to hug me when i cry

to understand why i cry

that is what i needed in a bf

not somebody who break every single thing that i mention

and hurt me million and billion times

il stand up by myself again this time

and there will be a day when i can really smile from my heart again..

The really end of the end

You know what is heart broke into million and billion pieces???

Yea..my heart just did..

broke into million and billion pieces..

The reason why..because of him again..

Recently i was really tired and stressed..i seriously dont understand how my heart felts and how it works...i can be happy go lucky..and i can be super duper emo in a snap..or in a click...thats why im frusfrated today..because i was being emo suddenly..and i dont understand why...there is no reason..no logical reason that i can think of...but i did..i was damn frusfrated..so i need to talk..especially to him..because he 'suppose' to know me the best..he 'suppose' to understand me the most..

i was sitting there..at the corner of his room..waiting for him to come over and talk to me..i was crying already..because i was EMO..but he did not..he just went on and did his stuffs..like totally ignore that im there...so i called him over..saying that i need to talk..that i want to talk..but he just said i dont want to talk to you..i said i just need to talk because im really not feeling that good now..he said i have to learn how to deal with it alone...He was saying it as though i was just some stupid old stranger from the road side..i got SOOO frusfrated and i buzz off the room..sobbing..and Michele came over and comfort me..listening to me..i was feeling way better..WAY better..and i can even forgive him for saying that to me..So i acted like there is nothing and went to his room..wanted to take something..

BUT..he said 'GET OUT OF THE ROOM' like really angry...

i was sooo pissed off and asked him why are you mad at me..he said im dumb and stupid..he even asked me to fish off..im like..what the hell..i just want you to treat me like your friend..your normal friend..i just want you to treat me like what you suppose to treat me..but he said..'too bad..that is just me'...i dont want to hate him..i really dont want to hate him..all this while..il always there to defend him..to say that he is still good inside..you guys should know it the best..am i not defending him all this while??????????

He said im just being stupid again..and he dont want to continue this conversation..

All this while..im the one who defended him..who wants to change the perspection of the people towards him..to believe that he will be there for me and care about me..though we are not couples..to show him what is 'love' about..because he told me that all this while in his past relationship..it was always the girl who dumps him..i just want him to feel that there is still love in this world..

I felt like im cheated..i felt like the whole one year that we were together was a huge mistake..that i should listen to the whole world instead of listening to my heart..trust that im really special to him..as a friend..or something more than a friend..

i felt like my whole world was crushed down..my whole belief of love is destroyed..broke into million and billion believes..and i cant even trust him anymore..i cant even look at him..i cant even talk to him..and im hating him right now..for destroying me..destroying us..for destroying every single thing that we had..

i was crying in his room..then he ask me not to be a hypocrite..you guys tell me...is this what you should say to your ex..somebody that was really very close to you before..is it even appropriate...

i swear to myself that i wnt step into his room anymore..i threw his room keys back to him...

and i went to my room..sobbing..talking to michele again..

i even told michele..this is just between me and him..there is nothing to do with you..you guys are still friends..dont let it affects both of you..

until the end..

though i hated him..

but i still defended him..

stupid

I still believe in love..yes i do..but honestly..my heart is hurt damn badly this time..and i dont even know where is my heart now..i dont even know whether it exist or not..life without love..im fine..life still goes on..and im learning slowly to let go..but somehow..my heart is still at hanging there..im too use to being with him..im just too use to it..and when it is time to let go..i dont know how to..

im trying to let it go slowly..slowly..slowly letting my feelings to fade away..

and yes...thanks to him..i can do that..

treating me like im just some strangers from no where

i still can sacrifice for you..

but for you..

even a small little thing also you cant do it for me..

am i even your friend??

i know i shouldnt be complaining...

who am i to complain..

who am i???

who am i to you??

i just felt dumb..and dumb..

Freaking emo post

im fishing stress out and fishing want to die now..DAMN IT..screwd the whloe damn world!!!!!!!!

ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHhh!!!!!!!!

yes..im stress out because of work..i fishing hate people for putting blame on me when it is fishing not my fault..i hated all that stupid politics in the restaurant..until i feel like i dont want to talk to those people anymore.......

im stress because what Max told us..saying that we did not reach his expectation..

HELLO!!!!!!!!

in your people's eyes..we are just a trainee okay!!!!!!!! you guys dont really trust us..everything that we do..somehow it is just wrong..what the hell..even it is not our fishing mistake..the blame is on us..im fishing pissed off with those back stabber idiots...you want to talk..go ahead and talk about yourself..dont fishing talk in your own language behind our back..you think we are idiots ar...

no matter what we do..there is a limit...are we like given a chance to shine??..yes..i would love to take charge of that table myself..so just fish off and let me handle..but you guys cnt let us do that..even if we take order..you will doubt us..even if we are right..so what the hell???

i know working is like that..especially in this line..politics..stress..all those shitty things that you get from fussy guests..but seriously for these few days..i already reached my limit...im fishing stressed out..im emo..and im emo..yes..im just stupid to be emo..but then..too many things happened to me in one shot..stupid lame fight with my ex housemate, fights with him, grandma passed away, break up...and now fishing stressed out because of work..im just tired..mentally tired..my mind is just going crazy right now..i cant think properly..and rationally..

sometimes..i just need somebody to be there to calm me down.when im emo and stressed out..i just need someone..anyone..brendan is busy with orientation..and i know he will just scold me for being dumb..and we are not couples anymore..i know that..i wanted to sms my ex..but i just back off..i know that i should not make him worried about me anymore..then whoelse i can call?? i wanted to ask my housemate..but he is at the orientation as well..then i sms ray..and yea..luckily he is free..if not..il just emo until i die..

im currently alone at CC now..because my damn good computer can not online..and i really wanted to blog..ISH..i just need somebody..someone to care about me..

im just fishing emo and i dont care about what people felt about me now..i want him to care about me..think about me..but it just wont happen anymore..im fishing emo and like really really emo until i want to dissapear from the world now..but i know somehow..he just wont care..so i did not tell him that i am..

i just want somebody to comfort me now..to be there to hug me and say that everything is alright..to be concern where i am now in the middle of the night and not going home..but..

i know that there is no one that can do that for me now...

Monday blues again

YEA!!!..my mum and my aunty is coming over to Elcerdo tomorrow..im freaking DAMN happy about it..yeah!!!..well.not that i did not see them for like ages and years..but i actually miss my family..hmm...kind of sad actually..haha..but nevermind..il see them tomorrow..hopefully my mum wont complain that the bill is high..i told them already that my restaurant is not that cheap..

Anyway..somebody said i actually look fresh today..YES..i do feel fresh..muakaka..just that i woke up from my sorrowness already..haha..no point hanging on the wall when everything is just not going the way it should be..no point hanging to someone who's heart is not with you anymore..

he always says that im important and special to him..dadada..but you see..once we broke up already..he change his profile picture in facebook..into the picture he took with florence..not trying to be jealous or what here..last time..he dont even want to put our pictures..he said his dad got facebook..so he might see it..So now what??his dad cancel his account?? he even put that picture of his with florence as his hp wallpaper..when did he ever put our picture?? maybe once..then he took it off..Well..i cant be angry you see..why should i be angry..im just dissapointed..dissapointed because i realize how much i meant to him..Maybe im not even as big as a pea in his heart..im starting to get tired..tired of thinking how important am i to him..tired of wondering if he ever thinks for me..BAH..who cares now..just forget about it..

well..today..im seriously feeling alot more better..better in a way that i dont really think about him anymore..atleast not as much as last time...so im healing slowly..and im happier..hehe!!!

Sex and the City!!!

okay..today i watched SEX AND THE CITY..

its freaking nice wei..i damn love it lo..i did not know that it will be that funny..and yet..emotional at the same time...well..some scene did actually hits me..and sets me into thinking alot...not trying to be emo..but..i some how feel like this movie can connects to me..HMMmm..there are a few things that i realize in this movie--------

1. Be yourself

2. Forgiveness

3. Friends are important

somehow i just want to tell myself that i have to get back my life back..i have to find myself back..not the one that i want myself to change in order to make him happy..not the one that please the whole world..i just want to be myself..AGAIN..maybe it is not that easy this time..because i had just lost myself for a long long time..i just want to be happy again..

i almost cried again today..because i did something really stupid..then i realize that im freaking lonely..crap..but..you know what..i have to get back on myself..nobody else cn help me to...Ray said i look quite happy for a person who just broke up..hey friend..i cant be mourning for my sorrowness like forever right??? trying to stand up by myself..and dont cry anymore..i had shed enough tears for him already..no more..no more..

anyway..i gotta go to bed now..tired fo everything..haha..physically tired..mentally exhausted..and i got to get back to work tommorow..damn it..anyway..to my dear sui ren out there..well..dont be so worried yea..things will turn out to be fine in some way..il be always there for u..haha..you were there for me when im down..and im always down..sooo...just be happy k???

i still believe in love

and i will always do...

DAMN DAMN

sorry people..not that i dowan to update..i got lots and lots to tell..but my idiotic comp have to stop me..i cant sign in to explorer..BUT..MSN messenger..thats the only thing that keeps me alive nowadays..and im freaking MAD about it..screwd DELL..ISH..fine..i guess i wnt be able to online using my own comp until i fix it..SOO..wish me luck..by the way..im using my housemate's comp now..^^

ALOT has been going through my mind nowadays..some good some bad..but mostly BORING stuffs..everyday go work and work..get myself tired..becoming boring and boring..i guess il loose my touch of human soon..but thankgod we are finishing in like one more month..ish...

Well..i myself..is a freaking stupid and dumb person..i dont know why for a period..i think that LOVE is everything..i CANT survive without love..BUT..i realize it yesterday that LOVE is not everything..i can still move on with or without it..but ofcourse with LOVE will make my life more interesting rather than dulling with myself everyday..HMM..haha..anyway..YEA..i try and get back..but the truth is..we cant..i make myself to have hope to everything..but..you know..it aint not going to work out anymore..as he said..'i treat you like a sister..and a very very special friend..' well..maybe we are better this way..sister and brother..YEA RIGHT..haha..but whatever it is..we have to mantain it that way..

Its time for me to let him go in my heart...

and it has to be done..

These few days..i were constantly scribbling some words or drawing in a paper..it is actually the hard paper at the back of the captain order..i was too bored and got nothing better to do..so i draw and write..actually i find it quite interesting..il show you guys when i cn use back my own comp..^^

Ohya..talking about my work..it has been boring..mistakes has been done..compliments has been made..people smiled..people grumbles..but you know what..thats life..FnB life..

FnB life = no LIFE

am i right me dear friends??haha..i love what i am doing..but i dont like the life that they are going through..not that im some stupid weakling who cant take the hard job..but i realize that they are just some working machine or smiling machine..i was really thinking hard..some people ask me to aim for some office thingy..PR or Sales and Marketing..in a hotel ofcourse..i always thought that i would do that actually..so im thinking..thinking hard..especially after the talk with Max..

okay..LET me screwd some stupid idiot people here..im FREAKING mad because of this stupid guy..well..first of all..you know why you are freaking lonely and things..because the way you treat people..from the first moment you try and meet new people..you started to judge them for who they are..you started to make your own judgement..i HATE people who make comments on me based on some stupid chat of whatever..i just HATE it..you think you know me better than i AM???you are freaking fishing wrong..yes..believe in KARMA or whatever shit it is..il get back what i treat you..oh CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! its YO who pissed me off in the bloody first place..and thats why i IGNORE you..i did not have the intention to IGNORE you in the first place..BUT..you made me IGNORE you..so fine..fullstop..im freaking mad about this stupid guy..and goodbye..you can stick to your own sulky attitute and be lonely!!!!

i seriously got lots to tell ar..but no time..hmmm..im going out to sing k now!!!! YEA!!!..soooo...il update you guys real soon..haha..tata

My Off day

My DAY OFF

it started off with meeting with Ting Ting and Ryan at Zanmai and Zen at Sunway..

Then met Louise and Ray pulak wor..

So we went to Sakae sushi and eat the tea time buffet...

GOSH..

Look at the pictures below..haha

This would be our PROUD Twin Tower of sushi plates..

seven of us manage to SAPU 49 pink plates and 12 green plates..

GOSH..guess we were damn hugnry..haha..i really ate until DAMN full wei..haha

Yes..i was damn happy to see SOO many people today..Ting Ting, Ryan, Louise, Ray, Garrick, CJ, Rui Ru, Kai Shyang, Ken, Ivan and Sunny..

i guess Sunway is really full with DH27 people..hehe..

Anyway..we really had alot of fun eating sushi..haha..thought everyone was full until we can hardly MOVE..

Ohya..Philly joined us after a while..haha..since he was late and all of them terpaksa go back to work..we went to Zanmai and eat his dinner..WAH..they cancel off all the plates he took wei..i should have took some..but i was damn full already..keke..

Then..me and Philly went for a movie..NAME..War of Dragon..BAH..lame show..we were laughing the whole time..why??because it was L-A-M-E...haha..really damn freaking lame wei im telling u..haha..

After he left..i have to wait for Louise and Ryan mer..so i went and did some light shopping..Sooooo...Beware..my camshoring session AGAIN...muakaka..

this was the best la..haha..i seriously wont wear like that out..haha...but just for the fun of changing clothes..i try this on..keke..

Today i really had a great friends with all my friends..had alot of laugh and laugh..haha..they are just plain superb to be a comedian la..haha..its late right now..il update you guys real soon..gotta go and rest now..tomorrow working..tata..MUAKXX

something to bear on

Well..yesterday night i went to The Dark Knight with Wayne..for the midnight show..the show..not much comment la..just that that guy is called bruce wayne..which is buzzing me all the time..because WAYNE is just sitting next to me..which reminded me of him everytime the name was called in the movie..haha..the joker was just plain scary..DAMN...

thanks wayne wayne..

thanks for lending me a shoulder to lay on when i need one...

it helped alot when the freaking cinema is freaking damn COLD..

haha

Just now..i just lock myself AGAIN..i left my keys in his room...i dont know why..but i just woke up and wanted to see him real bad..i just dont know why..then when i start looking for my keys..i realize it was not there..DAMN...i did it again..i sms him..and he is not free..luckily Melvin was at home..and i had to used his keys..

Then..i cant use my comp because the online thingy is not set yet..DAMN..wtf wei..luckily Jervin allowed me to use his comp..if not..il just fall into misery..and yea..i still fell into misery..i was freaking DAMN depressed!!!

i was depressed because i realize that sometimes i just depend on him too much..too much to bear..and when i cant do that anymore..i just felt useless..and im freaking dumb and forgetful..forgetting every single thing that is important...URGHH..and the fact that my fever is on and off whenever i have a emotional swing is just plain DUMB..

i wanted to sms and tell him im depress..but i know that he cant always be there for me..be there to comfort me..so i took my hands off..

i saw the picture he took with his friends..where they went and eat..the things he will order..yea..i remember all that..i know what he will order..he got his own life to live with..and i have my own life..i have to find my own life...

i need to love myself again..

learn how to treat myself better..

learn how to be myself again..

learn how to be happy

Learn how to be Yeaw Zhi Lin again...

Good bye lover..hello friendship

Seriouslly..im prefectly fine now..maybe better than ever..i cant say that im totally over him..but what i found out is that if i change it in another perspection..it would be much more better...Well..both of us are still close to each other..Closer than a friend..but not a couple..this is what i should say..

I dont regret the time we had spend together..the time when we really had alot of fun..share alot of things..we helped each other to overcome each emotional swing..we had done so many things together...as a couple..but it is in our memories now..nothing but a happy memory

i cherish the moment that we had spend together..i cherish all the love the has bonded us together..but now..its the end of our relationship..but our friendship continues..We ended it as the best way for both of us...

So people..please do not think that Brendan is a jerk or things like that..if he is one..i would not fall for him..and hold on for so long..he is just not the right guy for me..its nobody's fault....he is one the the best guy that i had met..maybe it would be better if we stay as a friend..

So..now im going to enjoy being single..enjoy the moment without the complication of love..haha..many people predicted i wnt stay single for long..hmm..not really sure about that..but..i just hope that i will meet a better one in the future..

OKay..gotta sleep now..took my pills..haha..the effect is kicking in..so good night people..muakx

SICK!!!!

Okay..im officially SICK now..Yesterday i can hardly breathe when im working..maybe because of the smoke in the kitchen..then whatever i do also half a pace slower..Damn it..Then i got fever right when i got home..amazingly..i think Brendan is treating me way better than he was..maybe this is the way that we should take..hmm...He taught me how to breathe properly and things like that..blanket me when i was trying to sleep..i actually felt touched..and warm..because this was who he was back then..not the one who ignores me when stressed out..

But..i cant sleep a bit..my brain was still awake until the next morning..meaning i had no rest for 24 hours..god gracious..i dont know why..but i was damn emo and sad..everyhting started to hit on me at that time..i cried..and i was staring outside the window for damn long..until it was morning..

Then when he woke up..he walked with me to the nearest clinic..the doctor said im fine..but maybe a viral fever..headache because lack of sleep..hard to breathe because of the smoke in the kitchen ofcourse..SOO..i paid 35 bucks for it..got a fever, headache, vitamin C and also Sleepy pills..so i can sleep..Damn..just because im sick..and yea..he tapao something for me to eat..so i can take my medicine..See..he always treat me good when we are not a couple..damn..

But you know what..maybe this is better..better for both of us..like friends..we dont put everything in heart..we just know how to treat our friends good..and not by hurting them..so i think this is the best solution for us??

Im not moving out..the reason..why should i??yes..he is here..it might be hard for me to forget about him..but i just change my perspection and think in another way..maybe it is way easier..i dont want all the hoohaa of finding new room..getting know the new housemates, deposit..im perfectly okay with this house..so why should i move out??

So people..you dont to worry much about me..il take care of myself..this i promise you guys..okay??? MuakxXXXX

Friendship is the one who saved me

First thing that i want to say now is..THANKYOU to all my friends who supported me..let me name it one by one...

Diny and Catherine who was there when i first broke down..

Dai Lou who turned up when i broke down for the second time..

Pipi who sms and comfort me..

Wayne who knows how i felt right now...

Dolores, Joo Ee, Wai Mae, Eunice, KAR WOON.. who will always be there for me...

Chia Chi who i sms randomly..and i felt damn warm after reading her sms..

And ofcourse my Dengs..thanks for being there for me..and Batman on Monday Midnight!!! and triple date on tuesday...dont FFK ar..haha..we got tonnes to catch up..

You guys were just plain great and GREAT..nothing else to say..but tonnes of thankyou and LOVES...MUAKXX

Anyway..what i did yesterday..i went on an date..ermm..no..shall i call it an outing with Dean..haha..since he is always and forever free..We went to Carls Junior..like FINALLY..Finally i got to see how big was the burger...damn it..i can only eat half..

Great guy to talk with..and i wish that he can sing for us during the Dinner and Dance soon..gonna nag him until he do so..muakaka..anyway..thanks Dean..for spending your precious lunch time for me..hope you are not bored..muakaka

and this little cute fellow is from Dai Lou..haha..right after i cried..because he said..'lai ba..i go and buy you a bear bear..' haha..okay..i need one..So..we did went..haha..and this is the one that was bought..damn cute lo..keke..

What i realize now is..friends are damn important...no matter where you go..they will be there for you..Soo..im sorry if i had ignore you guys when i was in a relationship..il try and adjust it back and patch it up with you guys..yes..and i will do it this time..

CONCLUSION is..

FRIENDS ROCKS!!!!!!!!

LOVE you guys so so so much..MUAKXXXX

The end of everything

Im tired of crying

Im tired of being so not me

Im tired of tolerating

Im tired of putting down my dignity

Im tired of letting him to overcome me

Im tired of making myself suiting him

Im tired of giving him chances

Im tired of thinking about him

Im tired of caring about him

Im tired of missing him

Im tired of loving him

All this time

I was lying to myself

Saying that he is the one

Saying that he should be the one for me

Im scare of the reality

Im scare when this day comes

When i lost parts of my heart

and i know that this will be the very end

Why should i be holding on to him when he dont know how to appreciate me

Why should i be hurting myself when i see the damages he had done to me

Why should i be giving him chances again and again

Why should i be giving myself a hope that he will change for me

Why Why Why and WHY

i had lost myself in the relationship

I forgoten who am i and who i was

I used to be strong

i used to be tough

I used to put friends above everyone

i used to be mean

i used to be happy all the time

Everything that was in me

I had lost it

Im glad that im in my training now

Atleast i can put my happy mask on

I can think of nothing else

I wanted to go home badly

I wanted to go back to where i used to badly

I miss my family

i dont want to pretend that im okay

Because i know that i am not

I dont want to lie to myself anymore

Family matters

Okay..second post from me today..typical Zhi Lin ar..haha..i love to write actually..^^..ermm..shall i restate my sentence.. i love to type..not write..im too lazy to write..haha

Anyway..my dad was damn worried about me yesterday...i asked him to top up for me..since im having some financial problem in KL..i gotta save for Bangkok you see..So..i thank him for reloading for me and saying that im going home now..it was around 10.15pm..So..i guess he was worried..he keep sms-ing and ask me whether i reach or not..he even asked whether im alone..and where is Brendan..So..i gave Brendan's number to my dad incase any emergency and he can contact Brendan..Actually i was hoping that he will sms Brendan and ask him to take care of me..^^ why so?? i have Zero idea..haha..and then..this morning..he told me that there were problem in the parliament or something..and said that he was damn worry for my work now..and he even ask me whether i like the course im taking now..ofcourse i like it..if not why i will choose this course..i told him i like it and he said he is damn happy to hear that..i guess he is missing me some how..haha..because he keep asking me to go back to Seremban..

My parents are like that..they dont know how to show their love to their kids..so what happens is...we..the children will mistranslate their action and thinks that they hate us..os something..but when i grow older..and can think a little bit more maturely..i realize that every parent have their own way of showing their love to their kids..my parents are not that dad and mom who can talks personal thing with their children..they prefer silent..silence is golden you see..haha..they dont spend alot of money..even on themselve..probably because i still have three younger brothers..sometimes i complain..but..when i think back..yea..i still have three younger brothers..Soo..it will be fairly childish for me to keep asking for money..thats the reason i applied for PTPN..i dont want to keep asking money from them..i dont feel good..

Hey..this is the first time i talk about my parents..bravo!!!! then my brother..last time we used to fight like some small little children..yes..we really did faught!!! but as we grow older..we can actually use our brains to think..haha..me and my elder brother communicates better now..he will care about me randomly..haha..which makes me felt really warm inside..Well..my youngest brother is the worst actually..haha..nevermind..he is still young..he still have the space for improvement..^^

my friends always tell me that family are the most important thing in this whole world..no matter where you go..they will be there for you..yea..i know that..i will try and make our relationships better in the future..but it needs some time...time for a change..soo..im hopinh for the best...

Monday OFF!!!!

Okay..Today im OFF..yays!!! why?? my off day suppose to fall on thursday..But..i requested to change it to Monday so i can...hehe..the same old reason..spend more time with Brendan..Because he dont have class on Monday mer..Sorry ya Cat if my small little request of mine change your plans or anything..

Well..Today..i woke up damn freaking early...Before ten..because somebody damn smart and wanted to skate at ten..GOSH..i need my sleep man..Nevermind..For everyone's information..im a damn lousy skater..my hands and legs coordination is damn freaking bad..and i cant balance myself...i skate before ONCE..with Cat, Diny and Ryan..i think it was in our Term 1..Gosh..i just suck in it..i fell down like three times i guess..all landed on my ass..haha..So..i have a skating phobia actually..Nevermind that..

Since he sooooo eager for skating..we went with Kelvin and Neo..Ahah..me and Neo are beginner in skating..So both of us just skating like some noob in the ice rink..haha..Before this..Brendan was boasting that he can skate though he never skate before..i was like 'yea right. you sure fall one..you think so easy ar.' then he will forever say..'you will see.' okay..fine..i shall see..what makes my eyes drop is..he seriously can skate..my gosh..i thought he was being boastful like usual..mana tahu..ISH..im the lousy one who keep holding on the rail by the side..haha..

Anyway..after skating and falling for like three times..i manage to skate a little bit..haha..atleast i can you know..though im skating like im walking..i dont care..haha..ohya..for your information.that boastful kid did fall once i think..HAHA..that was because somebody pushed him..pity pity..

My legs were aching right now..tomorrow im so going to be dead..i have to work with my aching leg..DAMN IT..nevermind..il see what will happen tomorrow..

Anyway..after killing out legs..we went and watch hell boy..it was nice actually..but too bad im too sleepy..i fell asleep for like three min during the best fighting part at the end..haha..But it was nice actually..for those who likes some action pack movies..you should try watching this..

My off day will end of with us eating at home..me cooking of course..which will make me even more tired..but nevermind..since when i have chance to eat a descent home cook meal..haha..i miss drinking herbal soup at home..and i miss my Grandma's food which i will never have to chance to eat again..:(